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Yes, she probably did. She’d been hurt before, and she wasn’t going to let it happen again. All men needed to prove themselvesworthy in her eyes. It was a matter of trust, or better said, a lack of it.
Her thoughts flashed back to her conversation the day before with Mike Leonard.
“Well, I have my reasons.” She stopped and crossed her arms in front of her as if to protect her from any further verbal assaults.
He stopped too and faced her.
“My ex-husband and I, we were college sweethearts. His name was, or rather still is, Compton Lee Satterwaite the third. Better known as Compy. He’s the scion of a wealthy and influential Columbia family. He was also incredibly handsome and bright.”
“Go on,” said Caleb.
“I fell in love right away. From the moment we met, he was my world.”
Jenni took a breath. She felt a breeze and it gave her a chill. “When I went to college, this wasn’t me at all. I was a fun-loving, easy-going girl. I loved life.”
God, where had that Jenni gone?
“I guess I molded myself into the kind of southern wife that he, and his family, would expect, and I lost myself in the process.”
Caleb said nothing, so she continued.
“I graduated with a degree in business, but it was his law degree that really mattered. I ended up having a life of social events like football tailgates and garden parties and weekends at the coast. They were fun, but…”
“But what?” he asked.
She felt his eyes on her, and she knew he was paying close attention.
“I don’t know. I guess I never felt like I belonged or like I fit in. But when I tried to talk to him, he was always too busy tolisten, or he told me I had it made. That I needed to make myself happy. That my happiness wasn’t his responsibility.”
Caleb started to say something, then stopped.
Jenni wanted to end the conversation right there but knew she had to finish her story. Maybe by finally telling it in this way, she could rid herself of her demons.
“Perhaps it was my unhappiness that pushed him away, but I felt like the life I was living was a lie.” Jenni sighed and looked at Caleb who was gazing at her with a look that made her want to squirm. Too intense. Too focused.
This was not a good story and now he’d know that she was not enough.
She turned and started walking again.
He followed.
She continued the story, needing him to understand her reasons.
“Compy came home from work later and later and made more excuses for why we couldn’t do things together. So, perhaps it shouldn’t have been a surprise when he announced he wanted a divorce. What was a surprise was when it became apparent that the one good friend I thought I’d made in his law firm was the reason for the divorce.”
She took one more deep breath.
He waited.
“Caleb, I was hurt badly in my divorce,” Jenni said in as calm a voice as she could muster. “Yes, it’s been over a year, but I still carry that hurt with me.”
“I can see that,” Caleb said somewhat coolly. “You wear it like a badge of honor.”
“That’s not fair,” exclaimed Jenni. “You don’t know how it felt.”
They’d been walking side by side but now Caleb drew back and faced her. “So, do you honestly think you’re the only personwho’s ever been hurt? It takes work to get over it, but you have to try. I was engaged a few years ago. I loved my fiancé. I thought she loved me. We were planning a wedding.”
Caleb’s voice had escalated up a few notches, and Jenni could feel people starting to stare.
