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“She’s fine, physically. But losing her mother at that young age, even one as mostly absent as Jacqueline was...the doctors are saying she’s not adjusting well to the loss.” His Adam’s apple moved up and down as he swallowed. “We’ve tried everything. It has been...painful to see a bubbly, extroverted child like her withdraw to that extent. I’m at a loss as to how to help her.”
“Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for. With support, Zara will get over losing Jacqueline.”
“Have you gotten over your mom’s neglectful, bordering on abusive behavior toward you?”
Something hot and oily bellowed under her skin. “That’s none of your business.”
“I’m just saying Zara shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
“How is she alone when she has you?”
“I’ve tried my damnedest to get close to her. Don’t pretend as if you don’t know how things are between us. How Jacqueline messed everything up. How she tried to cut me off from my own daughter.”
“I don’t want to talk about Jacqueline.”
“I don’t, either.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “This is about Zara. Not you, not me and definitely not her mother. She lights up when you text her or video call her. She talks for hours about your chats, your emails, the cards you send her from all over the world. That collection of keychains you’ve given her over the years... Every single one is worn down for how much she plays with them.” A shuddering sigh made his chest rise and fall. “She keeps asking for you, Yana.”
Yana jerked away from him, wobbled again and braced herself against the back of a dark leather sofa. Shame coiled tight in her chest. “I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit her recently.”
Damn it, how could she have forgotten all the promises she’d made to Zara when Jacqueline had fallen ill? Why had she gotten involved when she had such an abysmal record at handling expectations? What about being the child of two absent, neglectful, narcissistic parents equipped her to handle a fragile child? “Between losing my grandparents only months apart and work—” and keeping her head afloat while her mother robbed her blind “—I... I’ve been scattered.”
“Nothing new in how you live your life, then, huh?”
His criticism stung hard and deep.
She loved Zara. Loved her despite the fact that Jacqueline had used Yana’s tumultuous feelings for Nasir to feel better about her crumbling marriage. Despite the fact that he loathed the very sight of Yana.
Under the guise of fixing her hair, she dabbed at the tears prickling behind her eyes. Her failure rubbed her hollow.
She had failed Zara. After vowing to herself that she wouldn’t let the little girl feel alone in the world like she’d once felt.
The vague headache that had been hunting her all day returned with a vengeance, making her light-headed. Or was it the fact that she’d skipped lunch and dinner and her sugar levels were falling fast? “No, nothing new.”
A soft curse escaped his mouth.
Nasir never cursed and if she was feeling normal, she’d have recognized it for the win it was. Suddenly, she became aware of the heat of his body at her back and her dizziness intensified. His fingers landed on her shoulders, the rough pads deliciously abrasive against her bare skin.
“I’m sorry. I came to ask you for help. For a favor. To...beg you if I need to. And yet, I can’t seem to stop insulting you.”
“Nothing new in how you talk to me either, then, huh?” Yana glared at him and sighed. “I want to see her. I do. Zara’s important to me, one of the few important people in my life. But...” She rubbed at her pounding temples. “Right now things are impossible to get away from.”
“That’s where the proposition part comes in.”
“Not necessary. I love Zara as if she were...” She bit her lip, heat flooding her cheeks.
My own, she’d been about to say. Which was laughable even in thought because she was the last person who should be responsible for a young girl. She couldn’t even manage her own life without sinking into debt and self-rage.
Nasir’s amber-colored eyes gleamed. “And yet, you don’t act like she is. She’s seen you once since Jacqueline died.”
“I just told you I’ve been busy with shoots and—”
“I’ve heard whispers that you’re completely broke. If that’s true, I really don’t care how it happened. I’ll pay all your debts and pay you whatever sum you demand on top if you come spend the next three months with Zara.”
“No.”
Her answer reverberated in the quiet around them, the darkness amplifying it.
No, I don’t want to be anywhere near you.
