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I know Ma said I just need to tell him and get it over with, but I know how badly it will hurt him and I just can’t bring myself to do it. Not right now when he’s so happy.
“True, but change isn’t always a bad thing,” I say, picking at my food. “You need it in order to grow.”
“You’re right,” he nods and finally reaches for his fork. “I guess I just like things the way they are.” He pours syrup over the top of his stack of pancakes, and I watch as it runs over the edge, pooling around the perimeter of the plate. “Growing — becoming more — that’s important too. Taking that next step in life,” he says, as if he’s considering what those next steps in his life might include. Or who.
“Yeah,” I nod and drag the word out, really not wanting to continue this conversation anymore. “Speaking of life, how’s it going?”
“It’s good, actually. Works been great; I just got a raise,” he says.
“Ooh,” I waggle my eyebrows playfully, and he chuckles, “Fancy policeman right here, ladies and gentlemen.”
He rolls his eyes, unable to fight off the grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, real fancy.”
Shaking my head, I glance out the window to check on Bodhi’s car, but the black SUV across the street has my heart stopping. Clenching my fork tightly, I fight to mask the shaking in my hands. I cut my eyes toward Sander and see that he has his head down, focusing on his meal. When I glance back outside, I watch as Mateo lowers his driver side window and grins at me.
That mother fucker. What the fuck does he think he’s doing? Is he following me, and if so, how long has this been happening? I feel like I would have noticed the ominous black vehicle tailing me if he were. But with Mateo, you just never know. He raises his hand to his face, holding his index finger in front of his mouth and makes a shh motion with his lips.
As if he really has to remind me to keep my mouth shut. That asshole, he’s getting off on sitting there, watching me sit across from my police officer best friend and not be able to say a damn thing about it for fear of what he’ll do to my mother.
“Hey,” Sander’s voice pulls me back to reality.
“Huh?”
“Did you hear what I said?” He asks, head tilted to the side and the hint of a smile gracing the corners of his mouth as if he’d caught me doing something I wasn’t supposed to.
“Sorry, no. I was… distracted.” I fight the urge to look back out the window, wondering if Mateo is still there watching me flounder.
He looks like he’s going to say something and thinks better of it before continuing, “I was saying that I’m thinking of buying a house.”
“Oh? That’s awesome, San.”
“Yeah, it’ll definitely be nice to be out of the apartment,” he chuckles, stabbing at his pancakes and taking a bite.
“I’m sure. Just being able to get away from all the neighbors will be a relief.”
“That’s no joke. If I have to listen to Mrs. Kowerski’s Pomeranian for much longer, I may lose my mind.”
I shake my head at the mention of the little terror and grumble, “Service dog, my ass.”
Slowly, I turn to glance back out the window, only to see that Mateo is nowhere in sight. The hair on the back of my neck is standing on end. I don’t like not knowing where that man is. Granted, I don’t much enjoy knowing either. A million questions race through my mind.
Mostly, why?
Why is he following me? I’ve made every weekly payment on time, and I’ve never told anyone about that day, so what’s the deal?
Sander continues talking, but I’m only half listening.
“I know,” he says, shaking his head, irritation clear in his expression. “Anyway, it’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom over on eighth street. It has a nice front and backyard, too.”
“Wow,” I pause, confusion creasing my brows, “that’s kind of big for just you, isn’t it?”
He glances up at me, nervous energy bubbling up between us, and I hold my breath. I have a feeling I know where this is going and I’m ready to start pumping the brakes.
“Yeah, well… I don’t know. I’m just thinking about the future, I guess.” He shrugs, eyes downcast, and concentrated on his plate.
He’s actually nervous about this right now, which is a kind of shock to me, because Sander is never nervous. He’s always so boisterous and open about everything. It’s throwing me off.
“That’s good, I guess. Never hurts to be prepared.”
