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“I’m your mom. It’s in the job description.” She shrugs, a warm smile spreads across her sleepy face.
“Everything’s being taken care of though, so you don’t have to worry about any of it,” I’m quick to add.
“All right,” she says simply.
I nod, feeling a little relief at having her in the loop and seeing how well she’s taking everything. But like moms, she sees a lot more than I let on.
“What’s his name?” She asks.
“Who?” I shift my eyes from side to side, feeling as if I’ve missed a cue.
“The race car driver,” she states plainly, peering at me from beneath her brow as she circles her middle finger along the edge of her mug.
“Oh, umm, Bodhi… Kane,” I answer, working the corner of my lip between my teeth.
“And you like him.” It’s not a question. She states it like she can read every emotion I felt in the last week.
“I don’t know, Ma. Maybe.”
“Well, you’ll figure all of that out as you go. I suppose going this weekend will help with your decision making,” she says, and I sit quietly, seeing in her expression that she’s not quite finished yet. “In the meantime, you need to talk to Sander.”
I remain silent, waiting to see just how much she knows.
“Oh, don’t give me that look. That boy has been in love with you for years,” she says offhandedly while I sit there slack-jawed, completely off kilter.
“What?” she asks, as if she didn’t just drop a bomb on me.
“What do you mean, years?” I practically screech.
She laughs and shakes her head. “Keaton, sweetheart, you need to open up those pretty brown eyes and see the things around you for what they are. I know he has been your best friend ever since you can remember, but Honey, Sander has been there for you through thick and thin. He has gone above and beyond since your brother went away, and I understand that those are the kinds of things best friends do, but you look into his eyes and tell me there isn’t more there.”
She’s right, I know she is, and I’ve been avoiding it all this time.
“I just don’t feel that way about him, Ma.”
“I didn’t think you did, otherwise the two of you would have already been hitched.”
“Ma! I’m barely twenty-one. I’m not getting married anytime soon,” I say.
“You think that would have stopped him? Sander is a determined young man who goes for what he wants. Trust me, he would have already asked the question, and if you felt half of what he feels for you, you two would have already tied the knot,” she laughs, and she’s probably right, but the thought of being married right now scares the crap out of me.
“Well, like I said, that’s not happening anytime soon, and not with Sander. He’s my best friend, and he always will be, but I don’t feel that way about him. I know I need to tell him. I just don’t want to hurt him,” I admit.
“Honey, the longer you wait, the more damage it will do,” she says.
I sit there thinking over everything that she said for a minute as we finish our tea. When we finished, my mom takes both of our mugs and places them in the sink before circling back and leaning down to kiss me on the crown of my head.
“Get some sleep, silly girl, and let me know what time you’re leaving tomorrow,” she says as if it’s a done deal, and shuffles back off to her room for the night.
It might as well be a done deal, I think.
I’m just too nervous to admit it. I like Bodhi, and I really want to go see him in his element this weekend. I may just end up keeping that information to myself for a little while longer.
The thought of getting to go to a race and just let loose for a day brings a smile to my face, and I do a happy little shimmy in my chair before standing up and going off to bed.
Since I’ve been working mostly morning shifts recently, it was easy for me to get on the road by noon. I stopped back by my house to grab my overnight bag and let Ma know I was leaving, and then I was off. Traffic wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected, and after a long nine hours, I was pulling into the parking lot of the address that Bodhi texted me.
I park it as close to the front entrance as I can get and reach in the backseat for my bag before locking up and heading inside. As cathartic as the drive was, my limbs are stiff and protest with every step I take.
