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I know she's right.
I have so much emotional baggage I have to work through. It isn't going to happen overnight, but maybe she's right. Maybe laying it to rest, making a decision and coming to terms with everything is the start I need in order to have a healthy future with Keaton.
There are so many places I should begin, and I think I know exactly where to start.
Chapter 72
I haven’t been back since the day we laid Tommy to rest, but the cemetery looks exactly the same.
A grassy lawn, full trees that cast shadows over the many rows of tombstones. But above all, there's that same serene atmosphere I remember.
The smell of freshly cut grass and earth hangs in the air as I make my way toward the center of the cemetery. Marked graves stand on either side of me. A bouquet of lilies placed with care against a marble marker. The sculpture of an angel looking down on the departed with a peaceful smile.
My heart aches more with every step I take. Memories of my brother flooding my mind. He had been my best friend. Our whole lives, he was the person I looked up to the most. And then he was taken from me with one careless act.
I never got to say goodbye, but standing here now in this peaceful place, I feel like I finally have the chance to do so.
I find his grave easily, marked by a simple headstone and a small bouquet of wildflowers. My mother must have left them recently. They're still fragrant and bright with life. Unlike the rest of this place.
I kneel down, tracing my fingers over the engraved letters of his name.
THOMPSON SAMUEL KANE JR.
"Tommy," I whisper, the word barely audible. Swallowed by the surrounding silence.
We both received our middle names from our grandfathers. Tommy was named after my dad’s dad, Robert Samuel Kane. I got mine — William — after my mom’s dad, William Harrison Hawksley.
Tears prick at my eyes as I remember all the times we had shared. I close my eyes, trying to hold on to the memories, to the sense of Tommy's presence that still lingers in my heart.
I release a shaky breath, rubbing at my eyes before the tears have a chance to fall.
I guess I've always felt so guilty for not being there in the end. I know that it isn't my fault; how could any of us have known what was to transpire that day? Still, my brother took his last breath without knowing everything he meant to me. How I'd give anything to save his life.
How I would have offered up mine in his place if I could have.
I sit there for a long while, plucking blades of grass out one by one, lost in thought.
I know that if he were here right now, he'd know exactly what to say to make me feel better.
He'd tell me that no matter what happened with our parents in the past, we’d always be brothers, and that's all that matters. He'd tell me to do whatever I had to do to make matters right with Keaton because she isn't the type of girl you want to lose. He'd have all the answers and know exactly what to do about Mateo.
Even still, I hear his voice ringing out in my mind, loud and true.
You don't need me to tell you how to handle your business, little brother. You've got this under control.
But do I?
I'm starting to think I don't.
The sky above me is turning a deep shade of purple, signaling the arrival of nightfall.
A cool breeze lifts my hair from my brow, and I roll forward onto my feet, squatting before Tommy's headstone.
"Thanks for the talk, brother. I promise not to take so long to visit next time," I say, and place my hand against the cool stone before standing.
With a heavy heart, I stand up, brushing the dirt and grass off my knees. I take one last look at his grave before turning away, my footsteps echoing in the stillness of the cemetery.
Stars begin twinkling to life in the sky and I sigh. It's been an intense twenty-four hours and I just want to go back to the hospital and be with my girl.
