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"Bodhi?"
I sniffle, pressing my lips into a thin line, fighting back the words that threaten to spill out. The words that will surely make her see me in a completely different light.
No good, the little voice in my head whispers.
"It's my fault," I say, the words barely even a whisper.
"What?"
"It's my fault," I repeat, louder this time.
"Oh no, Bodhi, it—"
"It is," I say, finally lifting my eyes to meet hers.
Her brows furrow. Whether in pity or confusion, I'm not sure.
"Why would you think that?" She asks, and I find myself unable to hold back.
I cannot lie to this woman. This woman who has already suffered so many hardships in the last few years. A woman who lost her husband, suffered severe illness, lost her son to some bullshit injustice, and it's now sitting vigil at her daughter’s bedside. Her daughter, who loves her with her whole heart. Probably more than anyone else on the planet.
I can't lie to her.
So, I don't.
I find that once I open my mouth, I can't stop. The words just keep pouring out. Like a dam that has finally burst. My words are the river of truths that I hope will right all of these wrongs.
I tell her about Keaton's suspensions involving Eli's arrest, Mateo and his threats, how hard she's been working to make ends meet these last two years, and everything that's happened since the night we met.
The accident, the racing, the bet, and my stupid idea to file a police report. I leave out my father's harsh words because they aren't true, and I don't want to risk upsetting Regina any more than necessary.
I tell her everything else, including my suspicion about her accident and how I'm almost sure it was orchestrated.
"I swear to you, on my brother's grave, I will do everything in my power to fix this," I say to Regina, voice cracking with emotion as I continue to grip my beautiful girl's hand.
Regina sat and listened to every word, only ever interrupting for clarification. But now, after hearing everything, she just sits and watches me.
I can't read her expression, but when she finally does stand and round the hospital bed, the left thing I expect her to do is to pull me into her warm embrace.
I got still for only a moment, shock overtaking me, but when she doesn't pull back, I slowly lift my arms to hug her back.
"I never, not for one second, blamed you for what happened, Bodhi. Even now, knowing everything, it was my Keaton who decided to get behind the wheel of that car. No one forced her," she says in sitting tones.
"But if I hadn't made that report…" I start, but she pulls back, heading my forms in her small hands.
"No. You cannot blame yourself for every bag thing that happens around you," she says, shaking me softly.
"I don't know what demons you battle, sweet boy, but you cannot fight hers, too."
A tear spills down my cheek, and Regina smiles softly up at me.
"You love so hard; I can see that. Keaton is lucky to be loved by you," she says, "but you have to work through your own problems, and lay to rest whatever demon is plaguing you if you want to make what the two of you have work. You both do." She smiles softly and pulls me into another hug.
This time I don't resist, and rest my head on her shoulder, taking every bit of affection this woman is willing to give me.
She reaches up and strokes my hair in a motherly fashion.
" So much worry for two such young hearts," she says sadly.
