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“I’m sure I don’t need to explain the basics to you, but in the simplest of terms, my loving wife, your adulterous mother, had an affair with my brother,” he says.
Rob? Uncle Rob, dad’s brother, is my…?
“No,” I say, shaking my head, ready for this cruel joke to come to a close.
“Yes,” he replies mockingly.
Every moment of my life comes to the forefront of my mind, playing like a movie montage. Memories of my childhood. The differences between my uncle and dad.
I turn back to my mom, sobbing into her hands, unable to look me in the eye.
Mindlessly, I reach my hand out beside me, but the one person I need in this moment isn’t here to ground me.
It all makes sense, though. Why Rob was never invited to come around anymore. Why he made sure to include me in things when my dad… when… when he would take Tommy out and leave me behind. Rob was always there to console me. Always there to protect me. Until he wasn’t. Until he let my father push him away.
“Bodhi,” my mom’s tear-soaked voice calls my attention back to her.
“Stop babying him, Lydia. Eat your dinner,” my… my… he says to my mom. The conversation is apparently over.
“Mom?” I ask, locking eyes with her across the room, willing her to tell me this is all some horrible joke.
“Bodhi, if you aren’t going to eat, then see yourself out. I’d like to finish my meal before it grows any colder,” the man before me says, basically dismissing me.
So, I go. Numb and in need of answers, I begin walking.
***
The shortcut through the wooded area behind my parent’s home connects their property and my uncle’s. It takes a good forty-five minutes to walk there, but I don’t really notice until I’m knocking on his front door, bathed in the light of the sconce hanging above the doorbell.
“Bo? What are you doing here?” my cousin, Madelyn — who I just now realize is my half-sister — asks upon seeing me.
I can’t speak. Taking in her face that looks so much like my own, I can’t answer her.
Hot tears spill down my cheeks, the firsts I’ve shed in a long time, and her eyes go wide as she reaches for me.
“Bodhi, what’s wrong?” she asks, stepping into me, wrapping her small arms around me as I sob.
“Honey, who is it?” I hear my uncle’s voice as he approaches the front door.
I don’t lift my head from Madelyn’s shoulder to see him, because once I do, it somehow becomes real.
“Bodhi?” I hear him say my name, filled with concern and love and worry. All the things a parent should feel for their children. Things that the man who raised me never showed in regard to me. Things that this man before me always showed. It’s almost comical how I never questioned it all until now.
“What’s wrong?” I hear him ask Madelyn.
“I don’t know,” she whispers in response.
“Son, you’ve got to talk to me, or I can’t help you,” he says, only causing the tears to fall faster.
But this is what I came here to do, right? To get answers. But the thought of asking those questions only makes the ache in my chest spread a little deeper.
I stand, lifting my head from my cousin’s shoulder, wiping my hands over my face. I keep a hand braced on her upper arm, and she anchors me to her, grasping my forearm reassuringly.
“Bodhi?” Rob says, again, and I turn only slightly. Blue eyes, just as deep and troubled as my own look back at me, and I know without asking that this man is my father.
Glancing back at Madelyn, Rob seems to catch on.
“Honey, give us just a minute, will you?” He smiles warmly at her, and God, what I would have given to have had that tenderness growing up.
