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Craig drops the controller after pausing his game, and he holds out his hand to interrupt me. “Wait, so she’s the one who suggested that you be friends-with-benefits?” he asks and as soon as I nod in confirmation he starts to laugh. “Fuck, Lee. You have just got everything you have been looking for, and you’re moping around here like your dog died. What the hell is the matter with you?”
“What do you mean?” I ask incredulously.
“You met a girl that you like. She’s hot—if I’m remembering the right photo you showed me. She is easy to talk to and you get on well. Then on top of all that she’s happy with a friends-with-benefits set up. This girl sounds perfect. So why don’t you seem pleased?” His voice gets more and more high pitched as he talks, as he gets more irked at me. I can see his point. If I listed all the things I was looking for in a girl, she would be very close to getting full marks. So why am I so hesitant?
“I have no idea why,” I grumble, only for Craig to laugh.
“Maybe you wanted her to want more.” He chuckles as he picks up the controller again and starts playing.
My brow furrows as I try to take in what he said. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ve always been sure that you don’t want a relationship, and so every woman who does want one, that’s a great reason for you to push them away. But, when this girl comes along, a girl you actually like, and she doesn’t give you a reason to push her away because she wants the same things you do. So now you have to find some other reason why she isn’t right. You have pushed so many girls away that I don’t think you know how to actually date someone.” His words are innocent. Hell, he doesn’t even take his eyes off the television when he says them, but it’s like they stab me deep. They cut through the armour I didn’t realise I had in place.
“I didn’t realise I pushed people away. I… it’s just none of them were right,” I mumble, and this time Craig does pause the game to look over and fix his gaze with mine.
“Even if none of them were right, this girl is perfect. You like her, and by the sounds of it, she likes you. She’s agreed you can just be friends-with-benefits and see what happens, which is exactly what you said you wanted. So, why does that scare you so much? Are you worried that you might actually fall for her?” he asks, his gaze feels like it’s examining my every move and I feel almost naked and exposed. This is so out of character for Craig. Yes, we’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember, but we don’t do this touchy-feely bullshit.
“Since when do you ask me about my feelings?” I snap, hating how exposed I feel.
Craig holds his hands up like he’s surrendering, his eyes wide and full of confusion. He doesn’t see me snap or get angry often, since I prefer to hide my emotions away from other people. I feel like I play a role in front of others, to be the person they want me to be, or who I think I should be. That means holding back the real me, even from my friend.
“Sorry, man. Chill out, I was only asking. Just go on your date with her and see how things go. You never know, things might just have a way of working out in the end,” he says, as he turns back to the game.
Maybe he’s right, and I just need to go on another date and see what happens. We’ve texted each other since the first date, and it’s still easy to communicate with her. I didn’t know if it would be weird after our kiss, but we haven’t talked about it, which is fine with me. Though that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about it. About the taste of her on my tongue. The heat spreading across my skin wherever she touched me. The way my heart raced as the kiss became more passionate. Not to mention that my cock was hard as a rock until I got home to take care of it. Or the amount of times I’ve wanked thinking about her since then. There’s something different about this girl and that scares me. I need to keep her at arm’s length before she’s able to burrow underneath the carefully erected barriers I have protecting my heart. She has the potential to smash my heart to pieces, and I can’t let that happen.
* * *
“Breathe in, two, three, four, and breathe out, two, three, four,” the soft, melodic voice echoes through my car as I try to practise the mindfulness technique people rave about.
I’m sitting in my car, around the corner from Emmaleigh’s apartment, and I’m freaking the fuck out. The whole thirty minute drive over here, all I could focus on was the pounding of my heart, the ringing in my ears, and the sweat on my palms that’s making the steering wheel clammy.
I don’t know why I’m freaking out so badly. We had a great first date, and this is going to be so much more relaxed. After Emmaleigh hinted about this being a friends-with-benefits type situation, then inviting me over to her flat, it doesn’t take a genius to work out where this might go. So, why am I so nervous?
Let me be very clear about something… I’ve had sex before. Granted, for a twenty-three year old to say I’ve only been with three girls, that’s probably not anything to brag about. Even worse is that each experience was a little worse than the last. Not through anything I did wrong, I might add. The first girl, we were sixteen at a party and she cried afterwards. Said she regretted it as she always planned to wait until she was married, since her dad was a preacher. I got out of that one rapidly.
The next one was fine, but there was just no connection between us. I think maybe because we both knew that, we just didn’t really make that much effort. She didn’t tell me what she liked, and that made things very difficult. I guess you could say I learnt a lot about reading women from her.
The final girl was arguably the worst. I just couldn’t get her to come, no matter how hard I tried—literally. I tried it hard, I tried it slow. I used all the techniques I learnt from porn and the internet. But nothing. I even tried asking her what she likes, and did exactly what she told me, but still no fireworks. Naturally, we broke up, and three days later she met the love of her life and announced she’s a lesbian. So it wasn’t necessarily that I was trying too hard, it was just that I had a cock. You should have heard Craig’s jokes about my cock having the ability to make girls into lesbians. I still haven’t lived it down.
So, no, my sexual history isn’t exactly anything to sing home about. Maybe that’s why my stomach is doing flips. Because my body definitely wants to take things further with Em. Hell, that’s all I’ve been thinking and dreaming about since our last date. My cock has been hard as granite for the last week, uncomfortably so. So why does it feel weird to think this is just a meet up for sex?
Fuck, I thought it was supposed to be women who over-analyse everything and question every little thought, fear, or feelings. I honestly feel like a teenage girl reading into every word or gesture. I told Emmaleigh that there could be nothing between us. That I only wanted a friends-with-benefits situation, and she agreed. So that should be the end of it… right? Then, why am I thinking about waking up beside her in the morning?
Focus, Lee, I mentally chastise myself. I can’t sit out here for the rest of the fucking evening. I’m already five minutes late. I need to pull up my grown-up pants, get out of the car, and just walk over to her apartment. One step at a time—literally. I don’t need to analyse how the date could progress, but I do need to actually turn up for it before she thinks I’ve stood her up.
Taking some big deep breaths, I follow my own advice and get out of the damn car. With every step I take closer to the apartment building, my heart starts to race. At first I think it’s nerves, but there’s also a level of excitement there too. I enjoyed hanging out with Emmaleigh last time. In fact, it’s the most I’ve laughed in a very long time. She’s fun and easy to be around, which is probably why I’m looking forward to seeing her.
Once I reach the door for the apartment block, I pull out my phone to double check what number she lives at. Once I’ve confirmed I have the right place, I take a big deep breath and press the buzzer. The loud, shrill buzzing rings out loudly, and it’s not long before a tinny version of Emmaleigh’s voice echoes around me.
“Come in, I’m on the first floor, on the right,” she shouts, as another lower pitched buzzing sound indicates she’s opened the door for me.
I push the main door open, and am greeted by a set of stairs. There’s a corridor to the right of them that no doubt leads to the ground floor flats. It looks like the stairs are in the middle of the building and there’s one flat to the right of the stairs and one to the left. Looking up, I can see there are only two flights of stairs, and Emmaleigh’s flat is in the middle.
Once I reach the top of the first set of stairs, there’s a window looking out over the shared car park at the back of the building. To my left there's a wooden door that’s identical to the one on the right—except for the metal number plate in the centre of the door. Turning to the right, I’m just about to knock on the door I believe to be Emmaleigh’s when it swings open.
Emmaleigh is standing there, a bright smile on her beautiful face. She’s wearing her dark rimmed glasses, but her bright bluey-grey eyes still sparkle from beneath them, accentuated further by the light strip of dark eyeliner that she’s wearing. It doesn’t look like she’s wearing much makeup. I get the impression, same as I did on our first date, that she’s not a big makeup kinda girl. And to be honest, she doesn’t need it. She looks stunning without anything on. Though, that sexy shade of red lipstick does a great job of making her full red lips look plump and inviting.
The skinny jeans she’s wearing cling to her curvy hips, making her look even more shapely and sexy. The rips along the thighs and knees give me a glimpse of the milky skin that lies underneath, and once again my dick is hard as nails. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m not a pre-pubescent teenager who has never seen a naked woman before, yet I’m getting turned on by a bit of exposed skin on her thigh. As my gaze travels to her top half, I’m surprised I don’t blow my load in my boxers.
