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Asoft buzzing beside my ear is enough to wake me from one of the best night's sleep I’ve had in a while. As I look around, I take in the room that is quickly becoming more and more familiar to me. The cream walls are bare, except for the quote that’s printed on the one in front of me.‘Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.’
Em is a massive Harry Potter fan, and the closer you look, the more obvious that becomes. She’s got all the books on her bookshelf, as well as the DVDs—despite no longer even owning a DVD player. She has Funko Pop and Lego, all with different designs. And don’t even get me started on her wand collection. But, strangely, the more I’ve got to know Emmaleigh, the more I’ve realised that’s just who she is. When she cares about something, she’s all in. I think that’s why her jealousy comment bothered me so much last night.
I know she said it was a joke, but I could tell that was her backtracking over what she’d originally said. When she first said it, and it was clear she was jealous, I didn’t really know what to feel. My head was telling me I should set her straight, then run a mile. I don’t want a relationship, and if Em is starting to feel like she does, then I need to either set her straight or get as far away as possible. I like her, and I definitely don’t want to hurt her. I just know I’m not capable of having a real girlfriend. Now I just need to get my body to understand that as well, so we can stop giving her mixed signals.
That being said, even though my head knew those were the emotions I should be feeling, they weren’t my first reaction. No… initially, when I realised she was jealous, I felt so fucking good. It was like this caveman style pride washed over me, and I felt on top of the world. I’ve never had someone claim me in that way, or get jealous over me. It felt kinda nice, but also scary as shit.
My phone buzzes again and I reach over to spot two unread messages. I look at the time and see it’s not even nine in the morning on a fucking Sunday. Who the hell is texting me at this time? The only person I text regularly is lying beside me, so I’m fairly confident it’s not her.
Opening my phone, I see the first text is from my mum, and I can’t help but groan as I read it. Surely she could have waited for me to get home to ruin my day.
MUM
About your birthday party next week. I’ve invited your brother. I know we said we weren’t going to, given all the trouble he’s caused lately, but he’s family, and we can’t leave him out. Besides, the boys won’t come if he doesn’t. Are you going to be bringing your new girlfriend? I just need to know for numbers.
Fuck my life. We had a discussion just the other day about who I wanted to invite to the birthday party she is insisting she throws me. If I had my way, there would be no party at all. I don’t celebrate my birthday, and if I did, a family party is so fucking far away from what I would chose to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. They’re just incapable of all being in one place for too long without wanting to murder each other. The last gathering, which was Christmas a few months ago, descended into chaos and everyone fell out. My sister brought home her boyfriend, Cain, the father of her baby, Henry. This sounds innocent enough, but while she was pregnant, he cheated on her.
For a while it looked like she was going to be a single parent, but he grovelled and she forgave him. Lena and Henry are still living with us, but Cain is attempting to win his family back, and Christmas was his time to try and make amends to us. Sadly, a lot of my family don’t agree with Lena’s decision, and that resulted in a massive fucking argument while I was trying to eat my turkey.
My older brother, Leon, seems to think he’s entitled to have a say over Lena’s relationship, and he does not approve of her forgiving the cheating. This led to everyone arguing and choosing sides. Mum backed my sister and her right to choose, so of course, Dad backed her. Whereas my brother’s wife, and my two teenage nephews, they backed my brother—which of course they were always going to. Then I pissed everyone off by saying I wasn’t choosing sides. It was a pointless argument. Do I forgive Cain for cheating? No. Do I have a right to say who Lena lets back into her life? No.
This whole argument, which has spiralled beyond belief, is a waste of everyone’s time. Cain is still going to be in our lives, as he’s Henry’s father. My parents recognise that, so Leon needs to fall in line. But since he won’t, I’ve just been advising my family to stay the fuck away from each other. If they can’t be in each others company without an argument ensuing, then stay the fuck apart.
I thought Mum was on the same wavelength, and just a couple of days ago, that’s what we agreed to. So why does it now sound like we didn’t even have that conversation?
I gloss over Mum’s thinly veiled comment about Em being my girlfriend. It’s another discussion we’ve had countless times. She obviously knows I spend my weekends here, and have for well over a month now. So in her eyes, that makes Em my girlfriend. I’ve made it very clear she isn’t, and that we’re just friends. I don’t really want to explain to Mum what friends-with-benefits is, sojust friendscovers it fine. But every time I say that, she rolls her eyes like she doesn’t quite believe me, then it’s like the conversation never fucking happened all over again.
Groaning, I start replying to her text.
LEE
That’s a bloody terrible idea, Mum. I thought we talked about this, but it’s done now. Just for the record, when the party descends into chaos and everyone starts yelling at each other, can I just point out I said this is a terrible idea. We should cancel the party entirely. And Em is not my girlfriend, so she won’t be coming. And even if she was my girlfriend, there’s no way I’d subject her to our family drama.
I’ve barely pressed send when those three dots appear letting me know she’s typing. But I know my mum, she will be ages. So, I click back to see who the other message is from. It’s Craig, which is strange because he’s never the first to text. It’s always me texting him.
CRAIG
Hey, man. How's things going with the new bird? So, I’ve been thinking. I know it’s your birthday next week, we should get the lads together and go out.
What the fuck? I can’t even remember the last time we got the lads together for a night out. He’s talking about three other guys we grew up with; Jake, Freddie, and Sam. We used to go out a lot, but then they all started dating—girls, not each other—and we got left behind. Not that I really give a shit. The older I got, the more I realised that I was friends with them because of Craig. I don’t really have anything in common with them anymore, and so I’m not entirely sure why they all want to celebrate my birthday all of a sudden. Last year, the most I got from them was a ‘Happy Birthday, Dude’ message on Facebook. So it’s no wonder I’m sceptical of their motives.
LEE
Sorry, no can do. I have some family stuff planned. Maybe another time. I’m surprised the guys can even go out.
I know I’m being petty adding that bit at the end, but it’s true. Ever since they got into relationships, their lives have changed. They stopped hanging out with us, who are supposed to be their best friends. Jake has started dressing differently. Freddie only ever talks about how hot his girlfriend is—trying to let us know he’s punching well above his weight. Whereas Sam, he’s obsessed with telling us all about the kinky shit he and his girl like to do.
I mean, I have a kinky side that I’m very much enjoying exploring with Em, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell my friends about it over a pint. I’m not ashamed of our sex life, but it’s ours. Em puts a lot of trust in me, to let me do the things we experiment with, and I can’t help but feel that trust would be severely broken if I were to talk about what we do with anyone else.
Two messages quickly appear, and I read them both.
MUM
We are a family and it’s about time we started acting like one. This party will fix everything. Even if she’s just your friend, you should bring her. I’d like to meet her.
Shaking my head, I type back my reply, making it very fucking clear there is no room for discussion on this.
