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She didn’t say anything more, just kept driving.
Ellen sat for just a moment. She wasn’t any good at this. She never had the words to say, and they sounded trite and insincere almost when they came out of her mouth. But, it really did seem like God might be chasing after Alaska, and He was prompting her to do something about it. For some reason, although God was quite capable of doing anything He wanted to, He used man to accomplish his will.
“Maybe he’s trying to get your attention, maybe he wants you, because he loves you.”
“That’s rich. I don’t know why He would.”
“Because he created you.” Ellen didn’t allow her to say anything, but plunged ahead. “The same way you love Alice. After all, Alice hasn’t done anything to deserve your love. All she does is cry and demand attention, make messes, and cost you money. But you still love her.”
“More than life.” She sighed. “That’s why I gave her up.”
“God loves you even more. And for the same reasons. Because you’re His. He made you, even more than you ‘made’ Alice, because He made you deliberately.”
Alaska didn’t say anything for a while, and then, there was humor in her tone, but also an underlying sadness when she said, “You’re pretty desperate to get me to turn around and drop you off, aren’t you? Trying to talk to me about God and all that.”
“I told you. You don’t have to let me go. Although I would appreciate it if Alice were safe. But I think you want to.”
“You’re right I do.” Without discussing it anymore, she pulled over to the right-hand side of the road as far as she could, then swung around, making a U-turn. The road was pretty much deserted, and it was an easy move to make.
Ellen didn’t comment on that, but sat in the passenger seat, praying. Sure that God had put this situation together for the express purpose of drawing Alaska to him, and Ellen just prayed that she didn’t mess it up. That she would say whatever it was that God wanted her to say, and that she’d keep her mouth shut around the rest of it.
They must’ve driven two miles, the blue sky ahead of them, green fields all around them, and the slabs of payment flying by, one after the other, before Alaska spoke again.
“You know, there’s a part of me that wants to believe you about God. But I just can’t.”
“There is a part in every one of us that will never be satisfied until we fill it with God. He created us that way. With a part of us that needs Him. But, the thing about it is, He gives all of us the freedom to choose. We can choose to fill that part with Him, or we can choose to try to fill it with other things that will never make us feel the way God makes us feel. Like we’re loved, and that we’re complete in him.”
“Well I definitely understand what you’re talking about, if you’re talking about a part of me that never feels satisfied. It’s true.
“I have that part too. We all do.”
“I don’t know about that. I know some people who don’t have God, and seem like they’re pretty happy.”
“Do you think that maybe that’s an illusion? Maybe they’re faking it? Or maybe, sometimes things seem like they’re satisfying us for a while, but they’re not. It’s like sugar. It tastes good while we’re eating it, and we feel full after we’re done, but all we did was give ourselves empty calories, and at the same time we took away a little bit of our good health.”
Alaska laughed a little, and then she said, “You know, you’re pretty persuasive.”
“No. It wouldn’t matter what I said, if God wants you, He’s going to draw you to him no matter who’s sitting beside you.” Alaska didn’t say anything more, and Ellen let everything rest. She didn’t want to try to talk Alaska into anything. Talking someone into God was not helpful. They had to make that decision on their own. After all, God could talk them into Himself if He wanted to. It was just her job to show people the way, and let them make the choice for themselves.
“It’s that easy?” Alaska said as she slowed down to make the turn to Travis’s house. “Just... Tell God you want to be close to Him?”
“Actually, God is so holy, He can’t have sin in His presence.”
“Well then, that leaves me out. Did you miss the fact that you have the biggest sinner in the world sitting beside you?”
“That’s the thing. God knew it. God knew that we would be too big of sinners to ever be able to be in heaven with Him, so He made a way.”
“What? Live a pristine life? Being a little goody-goody who goes around taking the sinners’ babies and taking care of them?”
“No. It’s Jesus. There had to be a payment for the sin. And so God sent his son to pay for us. Once we accept that, our debt is paid in full. And God sees us like Jesus, like there’s no sin.”
“That’s...weird.”
“I know. I guess, God created the world, so He can do whatever he wants to. And that’s what He did. Knowing that there had to be a payment for the sin - death - and that we couldn’t pay that payment, He sent his son to pay for us, and it’s that easy.”
“It’s how easy?” Alaska said, the car slowing down to almost a crawl as she seemed to be thinking about what Ellen had told her.
Ellen didn’t feel qualified to continue to talk, she hadn’t felt qualified to begin to talk to begin with, but she couldn’t stop now.
