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“And then I called you on a drunken bender and broke down,” I said, closing my eyes at the memory.
“It had been months since I’d heard from you. I’d called and texted, but you’d stopped responding.”
“I thought you were happy. I thought he was better for you than I was at the time. I was fucked up over it. I tried to go on a few dates, but no one was you. No one compared.”
“What a mess we made of everything. Was that the night you met Gracie’s mother? I’ve done the math a million times in my head, and I feel like that phone call was when everything changed.”
I nodded and looked out at the water. “You said that things had gotten serious with Wes over the last few months. You told me that he’d just told you that he loved you, and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. I asked if you were sleeping with him, and you said you’d slept with him for the first time the night before I called, and I knew I had no right to be mad. I’d slept with two other women by that time. Numbing myself and trying to forget you. But I was so fucking crushed because I knew I’d fucked everything up.”
“So you went out and met her that night, didn’t you?”
I nodded. “I’m not proud of how I handled things. I pushed you away and then blamed you for leaving.”
“I was miserable. I was trying to make myself love a man who was really good to me at that time. He wasn’t rejecting me the way you were. He was older, and he felt like a safe place to land, I guess. But the first time I slept with Wes, I locked myself in a bathroom afterward and cried for hours. I missed you so much that it physically hurt.”
“Fuck. We can’t change the past, and I wouldn’t change anything now because Gracie is the light of my life. I know I was meant to be her father. I just always thought I was meant to be the man who’d grow old with you, too.”
“I did, too. But I’m glad that you have your beautiful daughter, Cage. It used to devastate me—thoughts of you with a child that wasn’t ours—but seeing you with her is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. It makes me think that all we’ve been through was worth it. And I’d go through all of it again if it meant you got to be Gracie’s daddy.”
Fuck me.
This woman.
She’d been the only woman who’d ever really understood me. The one I’d bared my soul to, and that hadn’t changed, had it?
“I would do it all again, too, but I’d do everything in my power not to hurt you. It’s my one regret in life. Hurting you. Losing you. I’ll never forgive myself for it, because in a way, I guess I don’t want to. I know I lost the only woman I’ll ever love, and I accept it. I own it. But I’ll carry it with me. Hell, that’s why you’re inked on my heart with my daughter. Do you remember the day that we met? I mean, the actual date?”
“June 23.” She shrugged as her bottom lip trembled. “It hits me hard every year because it’s still the day that goes down as the best day of my life.”
“It’s Gracie’s birthday. It’s the day my daughter was fucking born. The day the two most important girls came into my life. That’s why it’s inked beneath your names.”
“She was born on June 23?” Her voice shook, and a sob escaped her throat.
“Come here,” I commanded before pulling her onto my lap and wrapping my arms around her. Needing to feel her warmth. Needing to hold her and tell her how sorry I was for destroying us.
For all the pain I’d caused.
She settled against my chest and cried.
And I just sat there holding her.
Wishing I could turn back time.
Wishing things could be different.
She pulled back and looked up at me. “I shouldn’t have given up on you. I shouldn’t have married Wes or turned my back on you when you told me you were having a baby. I blamed you all these years, but I was the one who should have fought harder.”
I stroked her face. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me. And I’m so fucking glad you’re here and that I can tell you everything. I hate that all these years have gone by without speaking to you because I’ve missed you, Raven.”
“I’ve missed you, too, Cowboy,” she whispered.
“Did I tell you the divorce is final?” she whispered. “I heard from Stew today. It’s all done.”
I pulled her hand to my lips, opening her palm and kissing her there. “How do you feel? It’s okay if you’re sad about it. You can talk to me.”
“I’m not sad about it. I’m relieved, which probably makes me a horrible person.”
“You don’t have a horrible bone in your body, Presley Duncan.”
