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Bending my knees, I rested my forearms on them and stared out at the waves, feeling nothing but frustrated.
Apparently, despite my best efforts to hide it, my friends couldn’t help but notice just how much I had been struggling since I’d returned to Hawaii eight weeks ago.
“Griffin?” Heath called.
I twisted my neck and looked toward him and Kobe. “Yeah?”
“What’s going on with you? Ever since you came back from Colorado, you’ve been a bit out of sorts. Is everything alright?”
Shaking my head, I confessed, “Not really.”
Kobe immediately chimed in. “I knew it. I knew something wasn’t right, and Heath and I have been trying to figure out if we should say something. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shrugged. “I met someone.”
“You met someone?”
I nodded. “Back in Colorado. Over the winter. We’ve been seeing each other ever since the beginning of the year, and it sucked having to leave her there.”
“What’s her name?” Kobe asked.
“Indy.”
“So, you two are doing the long-distance thing?” Heath pressed.
Nodding again, I confirmed, “We are.”
Neither Kobe nor Heath immediately responded. Either they were giving me some time to elaborate further, or they weren’t exactly sure what to say in a situation like this.
I couldn’t say I didn’t understand what they were feeling. I was in it, and I didn’t know what to say, which is why I never offered anything more than a simple answer to their question.
Eventually, Kobe broke the silence. “Would it be fair to assume the long-distance thing isn’t exactly working?”
I tore my focus away from the ocean waves and turned my attention to my closest friends. “It’s not working only in the sense that it’s extremely difficult being away from her. I’m not in a place where I don’t want to be with her, though, if that’s what you mean.”
“So, what do you think you’re going to do now?” Heath asked. “I mean, it’s clear you’re not having any fun being here. You used to love this, and it’s obvious your heart’s not in it.”
I wished I had an answer for him.
I didn’t know how I’d managed to convince myself before I left Blue Spruce that I’d be able to do this. How had I even attempted to assure Indy that we’d be fine and could easily get through months of not being able to see one another?
Inhaling deeply, an answer to that question quickly popped into my mind. I was doing this for her. So she could see that she had everything it took to get her life back on track. I would have loved nothing more than to be the one to make all of her worries disappear, and I hoped, on some level, that I did. But deep down, I knew Indy needed to do this on her own. She wasn’t going to thrive if she put herself back in a situation where she wound up relying on me to take care of her.
I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t do what I felt called to do for her, but it wasn’t about me.
It was about Indy.
It was about making sure she knew she could continue to do whatever it was that would allow her to support herself while chasing after her dreams of becoming a photographer.
I wanted our relationship to be about the two of us being able to do the things we loved to do individually, while knowing we had each other to come home to at the end of the day. In her last relationship, Indy had to give up her livelihood for someone else, and even though I knew she’d never have to worry about winding up in the same place if she did that for me, I still couldn’t ask her to do it.
It wasn’t fair to her.
So, I sighed. “There’s little I can do right now to change our situation. I’m here, because I have to be, and she’s in Blue Spruce for the same reason. We’re talking every day and doing our best to make it through. She’s coming for a visit later this summer, and I’m going to make sure we make the most of that. In the meantime, I’m considering making a change.”
“A change? What kind of change?” Kobe wondered.
My eyes darted back and forth between Heath and Kobe. I was curious about how they’d react to the news when I shared it. “I think this might be my last season.”
