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I know why, and it’s because the pleasure of harming myself is nothing compared to the joy that Lasta has brought me in our short time together. I didn’t need to subject myself to this anymore.
I rinse the wound in a little water, noting that at least it isn't too deep. The door to the forge opens, and I glance up to see who it is.
As if I forget all that has happened in the last few days, my heart reacts with delight at the sight of Lasta. I almost slip and rush forward to meet him, but I hold myself back at the last moment. I smile uneasily as he approaches but temporarily forget my own frustration with him at the look of worry on his face.
“Are you alright? You look like you just went through a battle.”
“Can we talk?” he says.
Gone is the usual enthusiasm in his voice whenever he addresses me. Worried, I agree and walk away with him.
I shoot a sidelong glance, seeing his face is writhed with what I recognize as torment. Is it guilt at brushing me off and treating me like a dirty secret?
He leads me outside the forge to a line of trees outside, glancing around to make sure we are hidden from the view of the palace. Usually, something like this would have me excited, but right now I’m trying harder than ever to maintain my composure.
“Look,” he says. “Remember the other day when we were talking about being exposed?”
“Yeah,” I reply, my worry increasing by the second. I don’t like where this is all going.
“I know you and I both have been trying so very hard to keep seeing each other but…”
“But what?” I snap.
“I’ve been cornered into a tight spot.”
“Meaning?”
“It means that there is a new danger looming over both of our heads. No matter how hard we try, Krista, I deem it far too dangerous for us to continue seeing each other. At all. It’s best if you pretend like you’ve never met me, as best as you can.”
The words come like a dagger to my heart.
He’s breaking up with me.
“You really think they can’t accept this? You won’t challenge one person, your subordinate, to save us?”Maybe there’s no us to save.
He throws a finger to my lips. “Shush, Krista, do not make this any more difficult for us than it has to be.”
I slap his hand away. “Quit it with the fucking shushing, I’m not some child!” I say a bit too loudly, causing Lasta to lookaround and see if anyone can hear. “What are you trying to say? That we just give up?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he hisses. “We can’t be together anymore, Krista!”
My heart falls from my chest. I swear I can feel it shatter, a pain igniting within it. I don’t even notice that I’m crying by this point until Lasta dashes my tears away.
My instinct is to push him away again, but I hold back. I don’t want to believe what he says, but a part of me cherishes the way his hand caresses my face just in case this is the last time I get to experience this.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. There’s so much going on right now that it’s best we stay away from each other completely. If we’re seen in one another’s vicinity then there could be some major trouble on the horizon. I’m going to have you removed from your current role at the forge to make sure we don’t risk crossing paths.”
“You’re really trying to rip my heart out with each word you say, aren’t you?” I scoff. “Well, let me tell you, you’re succeeding.”
“Krista, I…”
I reach out to him, stroking his face. “You don’t want to do this,” I tell him, making one last bid to change his mind.
“You’re right, I don’t… But as it stands, I have no choice for the sake of our safety, especially yours. The last thing I would ever do is put you in harm’s way.”
“But if I can’t be with you, I may as well be.”
Lasta peers down at the ground just as it starts to rain. By the time he rears his face back up, I can’t tell if he’s riddled with raindrops or tears, his golden eyes refusing to betray him.
