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When it was time for Zak to go, I walked him to the front, hand in hand to his car. We stopped near the driver’s side, and he turned toward me, grinning. “I had fun today,” he told me. “It was good to meet your uncle. He seems like he really cares about you. You’re lucky to have him.”
All I could do to that was smile, though I did feel my smile waver a bit.
“Anyway, I hope you like the necklace.”
“I do,” I quickly said. “Thank you so much.” The necklace in question hung around my neck; Zak had asked to put it on me right after I’d opened it up. It had only taken him a few tries to get the clasp right, while my mom snapped a bunch of pictures on her phone, oohing and ahhing.
“Happy birthday, Charlie.” Zak leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on my lips, and then he got into his car and drove off.
I watched him go, feeling some kind of way. Happy that I had him, sad to see him leave, and anxious to return to my family. My sister and her boyfriend were still here, but so was Uncle Dave. I needed to go around back to rejoin them, so as to not give him any chance to get me alone.
Silly me thought if he never got me alone, nothing could happen.
But that wasn’t giving Uncle Dave enough credit, because when I turned to walk around the side of the house, I nearly ran into him. He must’ve followed and waited for Zak to leave before coming to join me on the driveway—and he’d made not a single sound while doing it.
Uncle Dave was in his mid-thirties, but he spent a lot of time working outside on cars and stuff, so he’d started to get wrinkles around his eyes. He squinted into the distance and said, “Good kid. I like him.”
“Me too.” I tried to walk around him, but he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. My heart hammered in my chest, and I was sluggish in turning my face toward him and meeting those dark eyes. Not as dark as mine, but dark enough.
“You’re still my Charlie though, aren’t you?” Even though the sun was out in full force, shadows danced on his face with the way his back bore the brunt of the sun’s rays.
Even though I wasn’t a little girl anymore, even though Uncle Dave was now only eight or so inches taller than me, in that moment, I felt the same way I had years ago. He had a way of making me feel so small, so insignificant. The way he looked at me made me want to squirm and run, but at the same time, it held me in place like a trap I just couldn’t free myself from, no matter how hard I tried.
His fingers gripped my wrist hard, and I was caught. The only thing I could do was tell him what he wanted to hear—and hate myself while doing it: “Yes.” I’d wanted things to change, but certain fundamentals never could. I understood that now. Having a boyfriend didn’t matter to him, because Uncle Dave had already claimed me so long ago.
His hand loosened on my wrist, but only so it could travel up my arm. He took a tiny, almost immeasurably small step closer to me as he whispered, “That boy will never know everything about you. He’ll never know our little secret, will he, Charlie?”
The way his hand crawled up my arm gave me goosebumps, and I fought the shiver that crept up my spine as a result. I wanted to run, to tell him off, but it was like I was thrown back in time, like I was that same scared little girl, unable to do anything except give him what he wanted. If I did, at least it would be over sooner.
To think, before all this, I used to look forward to Uncle Dave visiting. He used to be my favorite relative past Mom and Dad. He was funny. He always knew what to say to make people laugh, and he always gave me the best presents. Love when you were young could be bought so easily.
I didn’t think he was funny anymore, and I wrestled with self-loathing for a while. “No,” I finally answered him. “He’ll never know.”
And he didn’t. I never told Zak about Uncle Dave or how I was his favorite niece. I never told Zak the things Uncle Dave would do to me when we were alone. How could I? Zak, before he’d let Amelia throw herself at him, used to think the world of me—or so he had me believe. He thought I was this perfect little angel, meek and humble and quiet.
Or maybe that’s what Uncle Dave thought of me, and I proved him right every single time by keeping my mouth shut.
By the time I snapped back into reality, everyone had gathered around in a semi-circle near the casket. Zak’s close family and friends held onto flowers, which they set on the casket one by one. The priest must’ve already spoken; I must’ve dissociated a little too hard there.
Zak was dead because of Brett. Because of me. And, the craziest thing was, I was too dead inside to really care. To cry for him like his parents were. We’d dated for years, and there I stood, rooted in place next to my family, unable to muster up a tear or two for him.
What was wrong with me?
Chapter Seven – Charlie
Later that night, after my parents were already asleep, I texted Brett’s phone and told him to come inside. I wanted… I didn’t want to be alone tonight. I was still a little pissed at him for killing Zak, but I needed to feel him near me so I could block out all of the other memories that had risen to the surface today.
I hadn’t seen Uncle Dave in almost a year and a half, and yet I could still feel his hands all over me… among other things.
I was a mess, and I needed Brett to come to my bedroom and bring me back to life.
I met Brett downstairs, at the back door, and without saying a word, I slipped my hand into his and pulled him along, taking him to my bedroom, where I shut and locked the door.
“Are you all right?” Brett’s voice was barely a whisper, and even though I couldn’t see them, I knew his blue eyes were heavy on me. “How was the funeral?” He walked with me to the bed. In the darkness of the night, it was impossible to see his expression, but I could imagine it well enough.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “The funeral was fine.” I crawled into bed, and he followed, his large body taking up the majority of my bed, but that was fine. The way he took up space didn’t bother me at all. In fact, it made it easier to curl into him and cuddle against his side.
“Don’t lie to me. We said we’d stop lying to each other.”
