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What was wrong with me?
Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me? Lots. Any normal person wouldn’t be caught in the situation I was. A normal person wouldn’t dare give their heart and bare their soul to a serial killer while making a deal to help him lay low in exchange for his abilities.
I drifted off during most of the ceremony, honestly. It was hard not to. Once it was over, a group carried the casket down the main aisle of the church, and everyone got up to follow. The cemetery was a semi-long walk away, across a grassy field, past the chapel where many couples got married and an old wooden playground that had seen better days.
I followed my parents’ lead, keeping my head ducked low as we filed out of the church. We made it out into the bright light of day, and right then I felt someone’s hand curl around my upper arm. I tensed in spite of myself, my breath catching, and I had to turn my head and squint to see who that hand belonged to.
And when I saw its owner, I sighed in relief.
Claire stood wearing all black, her new fiancé Tyler behind her. She let go of my arm, keeping pace with us as we followed the procession. “Sorry we didn’t get here on time,” she said, “otherwise we would’ve sat with you.” Her brown hair looked way better than mine, its highlighted layers having a softer, more uniform wave to them. She clutched a small handheld purse with her other hand.
“Road closure we weren’t expecting,” Tyler chimed in. With his black hair, wearing a black suit, let’s just say his green eyes popped. With a freshly-shaven jaw, his handsomeness was undeniable. I totally understood why my sister had fallen for him.
“That’s okay,” Mom said, giving them both a smile. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” She gave Tyler and Claire one last smile before hooking her arm through Dad’s and walking with him, which left Claire and Tyler to walk by me, a few feet behind.
“How are you holding up, Charlie?” Claire asked as she studied me, like she thought she’d be able to crack into my soul and see the truth. She’d tried calling me this past week, but I always let the calls go to voicemail. She’d sent me texts too, but my answers to those were always one or two words.
But that’s because I was fine.
I was.
Mostly.
“Why is everyone acting like we were still dating?” I asked, frowning somewhat. “We weren’t. It’s been over a year. Like a year and a half, really. He was like a stranger at the end.” Even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t true. I’d known everything about Zak, and in return, he’d known almost everything about me.
No one knew everything. No one could.
Claire said, “You dated him for a long time. Even if you weren’t with him when he… when it happened, it’s still got to be hard.”
“It’s sad, but I’m okay.” I wished Claire would drop it.
Talking about me dating Zak must’ve made her realize that my current boyfriend wasn’t here, because she made a show about glancing around before asking, “Where’s Ian? I assumed he’d be here with you.”
“He had to work.”
“He couldn’t call off? It’s a funeral—”
“Of my ex-boyfriend,” I cut in. “Don’t you think it would’ve been weird if he came? I think it’s weirdI’mhere.” And if we were totally honest, I’d bet Claire was only here because Mom guilt-tripped her into coming.
Claire thought nothing of it. “When it’s a funeral, nothing’s weird about it. People come out of the woodworks to pay their respects, especially when it’s so sudden like this.”
“Claire, baby,” Tyler chimed in. “I don’t think she wants to talk about it anymore. Or, you know, at all.” He walked on Claire’s other side, but he leaned around her to give me an apologetic look.
I could appreciate his support. This… this whole thing was weird, and nothing my sister said would make me think otherwise.
When everyone made it to the dug-out hole where his casket would be lowered, the guys carrying it had to do a few things to get it ready. Mom and Dad talked to Claire and Tyler, mimicking everyone else by gossiping, but I said not a word. I didn’t even listen to their conversation. I zoned out, staring at the casket and the guys preparing it.
A simple casket. Zak’s parents stood near the priest, talking to him. His mother was crying, as she should be; Zak was their only child. She didn’t even glance in my direction, but his father did, and when he saw me, he only sent a frown my way.
I wondered what Zak told them about our breakup, if he told the truth, that I’d caught him locking lips with my best friend, or if he’d lied about it in the hopes that we’d eventually get back together.
It’s funny. After all that, Amelia wasn’t even here.
I tuned everyone out, my eyes on the casket. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have come. It was only at my parents’ insistence, mostly my mom’s. Zak had become a part of our family. He’d come over for holidays and birthdays, for family cookouts and random get-togethers. My parents probably viewed him as the son they’d never had.
A memory came to me, one that fought its way to the surface in spite of me trying to push it down.
I sat on the front porch, waiting for Zak to show up. My parents were out back with Claire and Tyler. He’d messaged me ten minutes ago telling me he was on his way, so he’d be here any time now.
