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She gives me an uncertain smile. “Yeah.”
“What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, now,” I say, “I wasn’t born yesterday. I’d be bald if I was.”
Alex giggles, but she gnaws on her lip. “I’ve never had a bra before.” She says the word “bra” like it’s a forbidden cuss word.
“Hey,” I say, smiling. “I know this might feel a little weird, but it’s going to be fine. Promise. Once you get one, you’ll see it’s not as big a deal as it feels right now. Besides, you can pick out something you like.”
“What do you mean?” Alex asks.
I grab my purse off the table and sling it over one shoulder. It’s the same sparkly one I chose for my failed birthday party. “I mean that they’re not all the same, training bras.”
“They’re not?”
“No way. You get all different colors and sizes. It’s just a soft bra that you can get in black if you want. Or purple. Maybe we can find one covered in unicorns.”
Alex lights up at that.
I grin as we head out the front door.
“Do you want to walk?” I ask. “Or do you want to take Ol’ Rusty?” I point to my car, still parked in my mom’s driveway next door.
“That’s your car?”
I laugh. “Yeah. He’s like an old family friend. He’s not comfortable, he makes strange farting noises from time to time, but he’s part of the family.”
Alex gives me a dubious look.
“Walking it is,” I say. “Good for the heart.”
We set off together through the suburbs and toward the shops and restaurants facing the bay and the boardwalk. The sidewalks are already alive with tourists shopping the specials, kids with ice cream, people in beachwear.
Alex grabs my hand and squeezes it tight.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
She nods, staring at a point in the distance.
I frown. I’m not sure what’s going on with this kid but seeing her this shy in public is alarming. Alex is going through something.
“In here,” I say, and dip into a boutique targeting pre-teens and teen girls. The interior is loud, with splashes of pink and orange on the walls, and mannequins wearing denim skirts and colorful camisoles with matching bracelets.
“What do you think?” I ask. “Want to look around?”
Alex releases my hand. “Yeah. This place looks nice.”
“There are some training bras over there. I’ll find the assistant so we can figure out what size you are. Are you fine to look at them by yourself?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.” She hurries off toward the underwear section.
I want her to have that moment of independence, even if I’m just a couple of feet away. Doing things by yourself is a confidence-building exercise in life. Even thinking that frustrates me. How did I ever let Braydon into my life? How did I let him take advantage of me like that?
The truth is, I was in a difficult spot, heartbroken, young, and naïve. And I’d wanted so badly to believe in a happily ever after. But now I know that’s a lie.
I circle through the store, searching for an assistant. She’s busy with someone else, so I walk back to the underwear section.
