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I drop my phone on the counter. Teardrops gather and create their salty path down my cheeks. A hushed sob escapes my lips, an involuntary release of the heaviness clutching at my chest.
The sound of someone clearing their throat startles me. With a swift motion, I wipe my face, erasing any telltale signs of vulnerability. Eric stands before me. A surge of dread rushes through me, an instinctual recoil from the thought of anyone—especially him—bearing witness to my exposed fragility.
“Are you… okay?” His voice wavers slightly. He hands my phone back to me and our hands touch.
I manage a shaky smile. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine,” I respond, my tone a tad too dismissive. My heart races, conflicted between wanting to lean on him and being too stubborn to expose my pain.
He takes a step closer, his eyes searching mine as if attempting to decipher the truth behind my facade. “You don’t seem fine,” he says. “We’ve only known each other for a few days, but… I can tell something’s wrong.”
The sincerity in his words softens the walls I’ve built.
“It’s just… family stuff,” I admit with reluctance.
Eric nods slowly, his gaze unwavering. “I-I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” he replies with a stutter. His vulnerability in communication is oddly endearing, and it somehow eases my apprehension.
I whisper, “Thank you,” meeting his gaze that feels almost electric. Despite myself, I feel drawn to him, like our shared moments over the past few days have forged a connection stronger than mere acquaintanceship.
He seems so good, but it’s too early. Stop it, Hailey.
His gaze holds mine, his concern unwavering. “If you ever want to talk, or even if you just need a distraction, I’m here,” he tells me.
I nod, appreciating his sincerity and the refuge he seems to represent. “I might take you up on that one day.” The tension in my shoulders eases ever so slightly.
He nods with a smile and walks back to his table.
* * *
The storm calms down,the raindrops turning from fierce taps to gentle patters on the windowpane. Inside the café, the atmosphere shifts, too. The wild excitement that had filled the place during the power outage mellows into a calm buzz of contentment.
I look around the café and notice people getting up from their seats. As they all walk past me with smiles on their faces, I can’t help but feel alone in this world. Everyone seems to have someone. I have my best friend, my mom, and my stepdad, but what about love? Scarlett keeps saying I need to try it out, but any time I try, my anger or jealousy problems cause issues, or I pull away because I know that getting close to someone also means heartbreak.
My perspective on love would probably be different if it weren’t for the way my dad treats me. It’s clear to me that many of my issues stem from his behavior; I’m not blind to that fact. If he belittles me the way he does, how can I possibly trust another man to be any different?
There have been many nights when I’ve struggled with the decision of whether to contact him or not during our months of not speaking. I wonder if trying to bridge the gap that seems to widen with each hurtful word he utters is better than the silence. While I understand that talking to him may not be the wisest decision, I can’t help but wonder—he is my dad, after all. Scarlett has suggested I cut ties and sever the toxic connection that’s been poisoning my self-worth for years. I’ve seen those memes about “cutting out negativity” and “surrounding yourself with positive vibes only,” and part of me yearns for the simplicity of that solution.
But I can’t help it. Despite everything he’s done, despite the pain he’s caused, there’s still a part of me that holds on to the memory of the man he used to be. The one who played catch with me in the backyard, the one who cheered for me at school events. That version of my dad that made me feel loved and protected is the reason I can’t just shut him out completely. Most of the good memories we have together were when he was on medication. The medication helped him be a better husband to my mom and a better dad to me. But after only a few months, he stopped taking the meds. To this day, I am still unsure of why.
I’ve grown stronger over the years, despite his attempts to tear me down. It’s like my heart is engaged in a constant game of tug-of-war. On one side, there’s the logical part of me that understands keeping my distance from him is essential for my mental health. On the other side, I feel the urge to be close to him. So, I find myself caught in this ongoing dilemma. Wanting to stand up for myself, to finally confront him about the damage he’s done. Yet also hoping for some form of redemption, a glimmer of the dad I remember. My heart refuses to let go completely, even though my head tells me it’s for the best.
As I reflect on all of this, I realize that maybe the storm outside is a metaphor for the storm raging within me. The flashes of lightning representing the moments of anger and frustration, the thunder echoing the pain he’s caused. But then there’s the rain, the cleansing force that can wash away the dirt and make way for fresh growth. I can’t help but wonder if I can cleanse my heart, to let go of the pain while still holding onto the love I once felt.
“Hailey?” That soft but deep voice awakens me from my thoughts.
“Yes?” I respond, my attention shifting to Eric as he approaches again. His hands are tucked casually into his front pockets.
“Tonight was fun, despite the crazy storm,” he says, a warm smile on his lips. “Scarlett really knows how to make people enjoy themselves, even if it’s just with board games.”
His words carry a lightness that I respond to, a welcome distraction from the heavy emotions that have been swirling within me. It’s strange how easy it is to talk to him, how his presence seems to create a sense of comfort.
“It’s like she turned the power outage into an unexpected adventure,” I reply, a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips.
Eric nods, his eyes holding mine for a moment before he glances out the window at the retreating storm. “Sometimes it’s in those unexpected moments that you find the most joy.”
As his words hang in the air, I feel a warmth spreading through my chest, and a smile breaks across my face. “I couldn’t agree more,” I say as I nod. The storm outside has calmed significantly, and the soft patter of rain against the windows provides a soothing backdrop to our conversation.
As we walk toward the front door, I can’t help but feel a mixture of emotions swirling within me. The connection I’ve felt with Eric is undeniable, and it’s both exciting and nerve-wracking. I can’t help but let out a sigh. My mind races, torn between the urge to protect myself and the longing for a connection.
I meet his gaze, my eyes holding his for a moment that feels like an eternity. “Eric, you know… I’ve been through a lot,” I admit, my voice tinged with vulnerability. “And I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up to someone new. But” I trail off, the weight of my thoughts hanging in the air between us.
