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She laughed, like she thought I was kidding. I sure as fuck was not.
“You know I’m not actually in danger, right? The ground here seems fine, not like where I was. And I’m probably being overly cautious anyway.”
I pressed my forehead against the wall, barely resisting the urge to bang it repeatedly. “Nora. I swear to god, if you don’t let me know you’re safe, I’ll send the whole fucking town after you.”
There was a pause. “I’ll call you.”
“Good girl,” I said approvingly.
She snorted and I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. I grinned.
“I’m hanging up now,” she announced. “But, Michael…thanks for picking up.”
“Always,” I said softly.
Ninety minutes after we hung up, my phone beeped with her text.
Safe at the car.
Then came the picture. My heart leaped into my throat. The mountain slope looked like two puzzle pieces that had been pulled apart, leaving a foot-wide gash between them. Sketchy didn’t even begin to cover it. I had seen that only once in my life, right before a landslide. If she had tried to keep going…
But she hadn’t. She was safe. That was what mattered.
Chapter 32
Nora
Itturnedoutthatthe mountainwouldn’tbe there tomorrow.
Well. It was there, technically. It just wasn’t climbable.
I absorbed the news with a strange feeling of apathy.
“I’m sorry, Nora.” Emma shouted the words through the phone, but I could still barely make her out over the background noises of heavy machinery. “The landslide took part of the road with it. It’s not safe here. I know how badly you wanted this, but we’re closing the mountain until next summer.”
“Huh.” I stared blankly at the ceiling, seeing nothing. “Okay. I mean…it is what it is. Thanks for letting me know.”
So that was that. I wasn’t going to climb Hart Mountain. Not today, anyway. Not tomorrow, or next month. My geriatric ovaries would become…geriatricker? Was that a word? I laughed in spite of myself.
Everything sucked. I couldn’t climb the mountain. I couldn’t have a baby. I couldn’t have Michael. Because—
I frowned. Well, becausewhy, exactly? What was I so scared of? That I would be a terrible mom? Didn’t everyone worry about that? And they still went on to have kids and be perfectly okay parents. Where had I even gotten that idea, anyway?
From Grant.
I wanted to live life on my own terms? Well, I wasn’t. These weren’t my terms. He was still in my head, fucking everything up. I was still making decisions based onhim. Well, no more. I didn’t need to climb a mountain to know I would be a good mom, capable of making good decisions when it mattered.
Anyway, I had made at least one good decision, and that was turning back down Hart Mountain. It hadn’t been an easy choice but talking it through with Michael had helped. I trusted him, and he trusted me, ergo…I trusted myself? That couldn’t be right.
Or maybe…maybe itwasright.
Michael was not Grant. In so many ways, but the most important of which was that I washappywith Michael. I felt valued and heard and…andsafe. I had never felt any of those things with Grant. I had loved him, yes, but that love had come with fear, not happiness and security.
But here I was, still making decisions based on fear, exactly like Grant had taught me to do. It was a hard habit to break. But maybe I didn’t have to break it, entirely. Maybe I could use it instead. What was it Michael had told me yesterday?Fear is a gift. Analyze it, weigh the risks, then decide.
So what was it I was truly scared of?
I was scared of trapping myself in an unhappy life.
