AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His face went soft. “Yeah, kitten. I can do that.”
I choked back a small sob because I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve him being sweet and wonderful and all Michael-like.
But I would take it anyway.
I drifted off to sleep, still wearing his unbuttoned flannel, my arms wrapped tight around him. When I opened my eyes again, it was barely dawn.
Michael was gone.
Chapter 29
Michael
“Ican’tbelieveyou’releaving,” Suzie said morosely. She was sitting on my bed, snuggling Andy while watching me pack.
“I was always leaving. Just be happy that I’m coming back.” I rolled up my last shirt and added it to the pile of clothes already in my duffel bag.
“Iamhappy about that. Really, really happy. And Mom and Dad are thrilled. But I thought you didn’t have to be in New Hampshire for another couple days.”
“I know. But I don’t…I can’t be here right now. I’m sorry. I know things are going to be a little rough with Dad and everything, but I’ll be back at Christmas, I promise.” I did feel a little guilty, leaving Suzie to handle our family problems without me, but she had Sam and Mom. Nora would help, too. No matter what had gone down between us, Nora would always have Suzie’s back. And mine, for that matter. That was just who she was.
Anyway, it was only a couple months.
“If Dad suddenly gets worse, I’m only a plane ride away,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, I know. And I appreciate that the plane ride is much shorter than from, say, South Africa. I’m going to miss you, though. It’s been so nice having you around. Annoying sometimes, but nice.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“Did you tell Nora you’re leaving early?”
I gave her a look. “Butt out, Suzie.”
“But I don’t want to,” she whined. “I love you both, but my god, you’re making an effing mess of everything. I want you to get married and have babies.” My expression must have warned her she was on very thin ice, because she hastily added, “I don’t care how you get those babies. Adoption, a donor, a basket on a river, whatever. I don’t care. You both want them, so I want you to have them. Together.”
“Has it occurred to you that maybe Nora doesn’t want to have babies in the way I can have them?” I muttered. “Also, butt out.”
“No, it has not occurred to me, because she’s on some bizarre quest to climb a mountain nicknamed the Widow-Maker just so she can prove to herself that she’s strong enough to have a baby on her own. If she’s willing to have a baby through a sperm donor without you, why wouldn’t she be willing to do thatwithyou? And furthermore, no, I will not butt out.”
Huh. That rationale hadn’t occurred to me, but it made sense. The realization was bittersweet. Did it really matter if Nora would be happy with the kind of family we could have together when we weren’t going to be together at all?
No, it did not.
“It doesn’t matter if she wants a baby and a family. She doesn’t want that with me. I tried, Suz. I really tried. Nothing I said made any difference. I wasn’t enough.” She had said that herself.Love isn’t enough. Fuck, I had hated hearing that. Mostly because I knew it was true, thanks to my failed marriage.
“That’s not how it works, Michael. This trust thing, it’sherissue. It’s not yours. She’s not enough. Or she doesn’t think she is, at any rate. She doesn’t trust herself. Whether or not she can trust you is kind of a moot point until she can trust herself.”
I mulled that over as I tossed a bundle of Smartwool socks into the suitcase. You could never have too many socks. “That doesn’t make it better. She’s not going to have an epiphany anytime soon, and I…can’t be around her right now.”
Suzie frowned at my suitcase, as though it had personally offended her. “That’s what you said when Alison left.” Her head jerked up, her eyes wide with sudden horror. “Oh my god, youarecoming back, right? You’re not going to bounce around the world for another three years, are you? Michael—”
“I’m coming back,” I said firmly. “This is where I need to be. Iwantto be here. And Nora…I don’t know. It feels different, somehow.”
Different because every time I thought about three years or even threedaysaway from Nora my chest seized up. I couldn’t stay away from her forever. I didn’t want to. But I didn’t want to be the pathetic guy following her around, begging her to come back to me, either.
“Different,” Suzie repeated. She looked down at Andy and her forehead furrowed. “I didn’t ask you this last time, but I should have. I was too much of a coward to hear the answer. But I’m asking it now. You leaving…is it at all about me?”
I looked at her. “Not this time.”
