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I swallowed hard and tore my gaze away.
“I didn’t want it anymore. I didn’t. It hurt.” A sob ripped through her. “It still hurts. When they touch me. I can’t…”
Wanted more than anything to gather her in my arms and hold her there. Keep her there. Kiss her lips that were so dry they’d cracked open and started to bleed.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t allow myself to touch her. If I did, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to follow through.
Curled in on herself, Kelly cried quietly, her aqua eyes barely focused on me. “Why did you do it?”
Brow furrowed, I shook my head. “Do what?”
“Kiss me.” It was just a whisper from her lips, but in my head—in my heart—it was a siren call. Telling me I had no right. That I’d only make things worse.
I avoided her question. “Why’d you leave? Why’d you walk away?”
“Why do you care?” Her voice was louder, the siren in my head screaming at me not to tell. “After everything I did?”
“What did you do?”
“It’s all because of me.” She struggled to get the words out, but her tears flowed freely. “All those women and girls. Jen and Vinny. Levi and Brendan and Aaron—“
I was shaking my head before she could finish. “What are you talking about?”
“If it weren’t for me, none of this would have happened!”
“It would have,” I insisted. “Not a damn part of it was your fault. Nothing.”
Kelly turned away, shaking her head.
“It’s my fuckin’ fault.” I could barely voice the confession. “If I had been faster, gotten my team there quicker, he wouldn’t have been able to touch you.”
There was no keeping my promise, no way I could keep my hands off of her. I took her hand, squeezing her fingers like doing so could make her see.
“It’s my fault. I shoulda been there for you. I shouldn’t have let you go to therapy alone. But I did. I did and I’m fuckin’ sorry.”
Her bottom lip trembled when she turned her gaze on me. A hint of that spark in her eyes came back, and I was so distracted by it I didn’t recognize her pain until it was too late. Kelly yanked her hand away from me, a scowl on her face.
“So that’s it? You’re here because you feel guilty? You took pity on me and—”
“I’m here because I care!” My voice boomed, but I couldn’t stop it. I pounded a fist to my chest. “Because I can’t look at you and not feel something. I can’t stop thinking about you, even when you’re right there at my side.”
“You’ve fallen for the dead girl.”
“You’re not dead. You are very much alive. If you were dead, you wouldn’t have fought back. If you were dead, you wouldn’t be fighting with me, you’d be in a casket, six feet under, and I’d be talking to a rock. If you were dead, I wouldn’t be hurting this bad, knowing there is a beautiful, fierce, vibrant woman in there that I can’t help but love. I care for you Kelly. I want the best for you, and death is not it.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I took her hand again, holding tight when she struggled to get free. “You’re Kelly Shea O’Connor. Twenty-three year old graduate from Valparaiso University with a degree in Marketing. You hate math with a passion, but could talk a stranger into just about anything, as long as it isn’t morning. You hate mornings more than math and take about three cups of coffee before it’s safe for anyone to approach you. Your favorite color is Kelly green, but you look better in blue. Your favorite food is steak, but you’ve recently become a big fan of breakfast sausage and fried potatoes.”
“That’s not who I am. You don’t know me.”
“I know you were scared of the dark until you were ten, and you still prefer a light on in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. I know the sounds you make when you’re scared, and how to coax you out of a nightmare. I know you’re fiercely independent and don’t want to accept help, even from those who love you. You have a big heart and a sense of humor that never fails to make me laugh. You prefer action to inaction, get bored easily, and always try to look at the bright side.”
Cupping her hand in both of mine, I brought it to my face. Pressed a kiss to her skin as I kept my eyes locked on hers. “I know you’re fierce and strong and beautiful. And the world is and always will be a better place with you in it.”
