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Pathetic.
To think a man like him could want someone like me.
I was nothing. Nothing but pain and trouble and a ball of regret.
“You’ve got this.” Lee reached across the center console of his Jeep and took my hand, squeezing it gently. “I promise, everything will be alright.”
“Do I have to go?” I didn’t bother looking at him, just stared up at the tall building we were parked in front of.
“Don’t have to do nothin’ you don’t want to do.” He squeezed again, not letting go. “But you should.”
“I know.” I turned back to face him and was struck once again by the peace that seemed to grace his face this morning.
“You sure you’ll be okay getting home?”
Home. Why did that sound so good coming from his lips?
I nodded, glancing down at our hands. Our fingers were intertwined, and my heart thudded in my chest at the sight. I wanted to stay there like that all day. At the same time, I wanted to race from the car and hide that piece of me that wanted him so badly. Wanted something I could never have.
“You have any trouble, you call me. I’ll come get you. You know where my office is. You can swing by there and wait if you don’t think you can—”
“I know.” I had to cut him off. I didn’t need more pathetic added to my ever-growing pile.
What if I couldn’t handle being alone? Walking through the city? Taking a cab? What if, for the rest of my life, I was dependent on this man who’d already given me more than I deserved?
“I’ll be okay.” I said it more for my sake than his, but Lee nodded, like he needed to be told.
“You’ll be okay.” Another squeeze, and his thumb brushed along mine. “It’s just a doctor. You’ll be safe, and then you’ll go home, and I‘ll be there just as soon as I can.”
“Okay.” My voice shook.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Want me to walk you up?”
Did I want him to walk me to my therapist’s office? To stand by my side? Give me the support I so desperately needed?
Yes. Yes I did.
“No, I’ll be okay.”
“Call me.” He released my hand, only to snag the phone he’d bought me from the cup holder and slip it into my palm. “Whatever you need, I’m here.”
“Thanks.” I shook off my fears and stepped out of his Jeep, staring up at the side of the building before I built the courage to go inside. I stole one last glance back at Lee in the vehicle behind me. Borrowed a little bit of the fearlessness his offered smile gave me. Then I forged a path to the front door, up the elevator, and into my new therapist’s office.
After signing some forms, I was directed to sit in the waiting room, and the panic inside of me started to build. I clamped my hands on the armrests of the chair and squeezed my eyes closed, trying to breathe through it. I pictured Lee’s sleeping face in my mind, only to see it splattered across my own, just like Rhys’s had been.
“Kelly O’Connor?” My eyes flashed open, and I found a brown-haired woman with tortoise shell glasses smiling at me from the door to the backrooms.
Unclamping my hands from the chair, I smoothed my hair across my shoulder, then rose and followed her through the door.
“Go ahead and have a seat,” she said, smiling as she gestured toward the chairs in the center of the room. She took her own across from me and folded her hands in her lap. “I’m Dr. Sheila Thompson.”
“I’m Kelly.” I lifted my hand in a wave before realizing how stupid that was.
“Nice to meet you, Kelly. Can you tell me what brings you here today?”
