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He peered down at me, his face pulling into a grimace before he was cupping mine—and not in a gentle way. “Shit. Did I do that?”
I flinched when he touched my cheek, and in my mind's eye, blood and brains splashed across my face. It was the boat all over again. Rhys’s head exploding all over me, his glasses scraping my cheek before shattering against the wall.
“Kelly, sweetie, are you okay?”
I was sitting on the bed, Lee hovering over me and my parents kneeling at my side. I blinked, unsure how I got here, unsure where Rhys was and why I wasn’t dead.
“Don’t touch me.” I pulled away, scrambled across the mattress, curling into myself when I got to the other side. “Don’t touch me!”
I heard Lee’s deep bass, but I didn’t understand the words. I didn’t understand anything until his face was suddenly there in front of me, those emerald green eyes staring at me with the same kind of concern he always showed.
“It’s okay, Kelly. You’re safe. You’re safe with me.” He repeated his mantra, and after a while I almost believed it.
I let him calm me, soothe the memories, and quiet my fears. I let him take my hand. Pull me from the bed. Coax me into the bathroom before he turned on the shower.
“Get in,” he said, his order something I needed to hear. “Take a shower. Relax. Remember, you’re safe with me.”
When he leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead, I froze. I stood watching after he’d left, staring at the door he’d disappeared through, wanting, and wanting, and wanting to hide.
Shaking, I took down my sweats and pulled off my T-shirt. Then I climbed under the spray and let the hot water wash away the sour sweat that clung to my skin. But I couldn’t stay as long as I usually would have. I couldn’t, not with Lee in the other room. Something pulled me to him, and I raced through my shower, drying off as quickly as I could before grabbing the clothes Lee had thoughtfully left by the sink.
His voice was quiet when I left the bathroom, but the bass of it was loud enough to draw me straight to the kitchen where he and my parents stood—the three of them huddled like they were telling secrets that I wasn’t meant to hear.
“I know how it looked.” Lee dragged a hand down his face, and for a second, I was worried he’d turn and I’d be found out. I pulled back around the corner and pressed myself against the wall. “But I swear on my life, nothing’s happened. She has nightmares all the time. My room is in the basement, and I can’t… I can’t run up two flights of stairs multiple times in the middle of the night. I started sleeping on the floor. I can be there for her, talk her out of the nightmares when they hit and we can both get back to sleep. But I haven’t touched her. I wouldn’t.”
“It just feels highly inappropriate. You’re supposed to be taking care of her, and what we just saw?” Mom said, and I was tempted to run in there and defend myself. I was an adult, dammit! I could be with Lee if I wanted. I could—
“I promise.” Lee’s voice pinned me against the wall. “I would never do anything like that with Kelly. I understand how fragile she is, how even moving wrong can set her off. Through trial and error, I’ve found ways to help her through this, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.”
“And sleeping in her bedroom?” Dad asked as a tear rolled down my burning cheek, sliding into the crevice that Lee had torn through my chest with his words.
“I’ll stop. I promise. She’s been doing so good. Until last night, she hadn’t woken me with a nightmare in nearly a week. I can move back to my bedroom. I can run up the stairs if she needs me if that’s what you want me to do. I would never touch her. Ever. She’s safe with me.”
Safe with me.
Gah. I felt like a fool. Hot tears splashed down my face as I raced back to my bedroom. I ducked under the clothes still hanging in my closet, then hid in the back corner, where no one had ever been able to find me before.
I would never touch her. Ever.
To hell with my wanting.
To hell with my life.
The only thing I was good for was messing things up. For killing dreams and ruining lives.
I was better off dead.
“Kelly?” Lee’s voice in my bedroom startled me, and I slammed my head against the wall. A moment later, the door to my closet fell open, and Lee crawled in.
He barely fit. His big body closed in on me, his long arms reached out to me as I scrambled to him without conscious thought. I ate up his whispered words as he tried to soothe my tears, tried to take away my fears.
“It’s okay. I gotcha. I won’t let you go.” His lips pressed against my temple, and my body shook in his arms. “I gotcha.” Another kiss to my cheek. Another to my nose. “You’re safe with me.”
Safe with me.
That’s all I wanted. To be right here, in his arms.
Safe, with him.
