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“Okay. Tell me some of the shit that’s going on inside that messed up brain of yours.”
“Other than I want to fucking run as far as I can and never look back. Or that I’m not father material. You and Scotty fit that description, not me. I’ve got a gypsy soul and settling anywhere, with anyone, might be impossible for me. Especially coming from the fucked-up childhood I had.”
“We all had rough childhoods,” Colt shot back, as if he had the slightest idea of what I went through as a kid.
“Oh, give it a rest. You had the coolest parents around, and in a lot of ways, they still are.”
“They’re good people, don’t get me wrong, but Daryl was more of a father to me than my own dad. Not that I’d ever admit that to either of them, but it’s true. My dad ran a couple of businesses and was never home. I needed a male role model, and Daryl fit that to perfection.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not too happy with you right now or any of us, for that matter.” I sat back in my chair and raked my hand through my hair. I had to be on the stage tonight, and I was mentally somewhere else. Somewhere far away and safe.
“He’ll come ‘round, but that’s not what this conversation is about. It’s about you and CindyLou and your baby. You’re not running anywhere. If you do, you’ll regret it because for one thing, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive you for that. I’ll give you a pass for not talking to her last night, but I won’t be giving you one for tonight. She’s out there right now, getting prepped by Scotty. Now would be the perfect time to talk to her.”
Colt liked to take the bull by the horns, no matter how fierce that bull might be. He always confronted his fears, which made him a much better man than I could ever even dream of being.
“About what?”
“About what your plans are going forward.”
I raked my hand through my hair again and stood. The room felt stuffy, like I couldn’t get in enough air. “That’s just it. I don’t have any fucking plans. I never know what I’m doing next week or even tomorrow, let alone what to do about a baby… my baby.”
“Then that’s what you have to tell her. That’s what you two have to talk about.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
I paced, not that it helped, but it gave me something to do with my wobbly legs.
“Tell her that. She’s an amazing woman and has to be an amazing mom. After all, she had Darci all on her own, and now she’s taking care of her all on her own. She doesn’t need you to do anything, but you came to me for advice, so I’m giving it. Don’t fuck this up. This is your chance to be the man I know you want to be. The man you were born to be. Step up to the plate, Mickey, and do what’s right. Now’s your time to shine. Don’t let yourself down. You’ve got this.”
I stopped pacing and stood there for a moment, trying to absorb all that he’d said.
“Wow, have you always been this smart, or is this a recent change? I know you can figure most things out, but this is over and above.”
“It’s a slight change. I’ve been thinking about this shit for a while. Decided it was time to be the kind of man I’d always admired. No easy task, believe me. I think my lack of clarity is why no woman would hook her wagon to mine. I just didn’t have it. Now, I think I finally do.”
That was the thing about Colt. Once he set his mind to something, he didn’t let anything block him from achieving his goal. Nothing like me. When something got a little hard, I went on to the next idea. I could probably learn a lot from this guy if I chose to really listen. Maybe it was time that I did just that.
“I’m impressed.”
“I’m glad somebody is… now grow a pair and go on out there and talk to her.”
“Fuck you,” I told him as I headed for the door, thinking how this would go like shit. That I might say something stupid, and she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me, much less allow me to be in Darci’s life.
“That’s what I want to hear!” he said, chuckling. “You’re right on track.”
I headed through the backstage area with my stomach in a knot, so tight it felt like it might implode, and my mouth felt drier than a burnt boot. I only had one thought: Riding an ornery bronc was a hell of a lot easier.
“Hey, Mickey,” CindyLou said as I approached the main bar where she’d be working tonight. If I didn’t have to be onstage tonight, I’d order up a shot and a beer just to take the edge off what I had to do, but drinking and performing didn’t mix… at least not for me… so I’d given that up years ago.
“Hey CindyLou. How’s it going?” She dried her hands on a bar towel and gazed over at me from the sober side of the bar. Tammy and Scotty busied themselves at the other end. Scotty was slicing fruit, while Tammy restocked some of the bottles of liquor. Colt would be working at this bar as well, tonight. We didn’t expect as many people as when Hot Sugar played, but you never knew exactly what to expect with the Jess Davis Band, and Tammy liked to be prepared.
“Learning a lot. Tammy’s been a great teacher. She really knows her stuff.”
We hadn’t officially opened yet, and the staff buzzed around, making sure everything was ready for the night. The dance floor had been mopped down, all the carpeting had been vacuumed, the tables and chairs wiped clean, the three bars were well stocked, and everyone knew their stations. Tammy and Jimmy ran a tight ship, and nothing escaped their scrutiny. Probably why the place did so well.
“She sure does,” I said, and my brain froze. I had no idea what to say next. I never should have listened to Colt. This was a huge mistake.
Then Colt slapped my shoulder and said, “Mickey here has something he wants to say to you. Right, Mickey?”
