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“Water’s better,” Gabe told him, handing him a quart bottle of spring, alkaline water. “If you guzzle some of this, I’ll get that espresso to you. But you have to promise to finish dressing. We’re supposed to be at the chapel at least an hour before the ceremony, and as it is, we’re cutting that time close.”
“I don’t know,” Bernie said, staring down at his feet again.
“Believe me, water is the best thing for you,” Gabe assured him.
Bernie jumped up as Gabe tried to get him to take the bottle of water. “I don’t give a fuck about the water. I don’t know about the wedding, about me and Natalie. I don’t know if I can do this.”
Oh shit! This asshole might really bail on Cody’s sister.
That wasn’t going to happen.
“Sure, you can. You love her,” I reminded him.
“Do I?”
“Don’t you?” Gabe asked.
Bernie paced as he raked a hand through his thick blond hair. “I don’t know.”
“Shouldn’t you have asked yourself that question before you bought that tux hanging in your closet?” I couldn’t let my nerves get the better of me. Bernie might actually bolt, and if he did, Natalie would have a stroke, and Cody would never forgive us for not making sure the groom showed up at his wedding. Our band would break up, and Gabe and I would end up in the gutter like our Aunt Betsy predicted when we decided not to be ranchers like the generations of ranchers in our family.
“I did ask myself that question, but I wasn’t given the opportunity to mull it over because Natalie came with me to help pick it out and afterwards, we ended up having dinner with the owner, and we ended up investing in his chain of stores that have made us over a million dollars. Natalie knows a good investment when she sees one. That’s the thing about her. She knows how to stack better than I do. She’s the queen of stacking. That’s what attracted me to her in the first place, but now… now that I have to marry her. Live with one woman and be faithful to one woman for the rest of my life. I mean, what if I live to be a hundred? That’s…” He paused to calculate but couldn’t quite figure it out. “That’s a lot of fucking years. I didn’t even get a chance to finish my dance with Emily last night before Natalie cut in. It was my last night. My last night as a bachelor. I should’ve insisted that I finish the dance with Emily.”
He was talking so fast he was turning red. Probably from not breathing. “Take a fucking breath, man. You’re going to pass out,” I told him.
I had to figure out a way to bring this thing back around. Bernard was going to marry Natalie today for purely selfish reasons.
“Natalie loves you, and you love her. Or maybe the sex isn’t good, and that’s why you’re second-guessing this,” Gabe said. “Nothing breaks up a couple faster than bad sex.”
Bernie smirked, and I knew Gabe had hit a nerve. “That’s not it. The sex is mind blowing. Amazing. Stellar in every sense of the word. Always has been. The woman does things I can’t even begin to fucking… every guy should have a woman like Natalie in their bed. She’s a fucking goddess, a sex whore in the absolute best way imaginable. No issues there.”
I held back the smirk that threatened to escape. I knew a little something about this sex goddess, but that information wasn’t something I was prepared to share… ever.
Instead, I needed to convince him that giving up his sex whore because of his temporary marriage apprehensions, wasn’t in his best interest.
“I don’t know about you,” I began, “but if you’ve got a woman who helps you in your business, and, as you say, you and she have mind-blowing sex, plus, she’s your goddess, why the fuck would you ever let her go? The sex alone should be enough for you to want to jump into that tux and run down that fucking aisle. Who wouldn’t want all of that in a partner? Talk about stacking? You’ve got it all, brother. Don’t be an asshole. What the fuck else could you possibly want when everything you talk about in your lectures is already there in Natalie. She gets you… all of you… and to me, that’s everything. Now get fucking dressed. You don’t want to keep a woman like that waiting.”
A deep and profound smirk grew on Bernie’s thin, almost nonexistent lips as he grabbed the water bottle from Gabe. He knew what I just told him was the God’s honest truth, and he was acting like a total asshole, which in Bernie’s world, was most of the time. What the world saw in this guy was beyond me, but I knew folks needed a leader, and Bernie fit that template. At least I knew that at his core he was a good guy, even if he was difficult for me to be around for too long… like overnight. Way too fucking long.
He guzzled most of the water, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and said, “Because sometimes I am an asshole exactly like you said, and I can’t think straight. You’re right. You’re both one hundred percent right. I needed a kick in the ass this morning, so thanks for that. Bring the car around. I’ll be ready in five.”
“The limo is already waiting out front,” Gabe said. “We’re running behind.”
“Then let’s do this,” Bernie said as he slipped on his pants.
“We’ll be in the car, waiting,” I said, walking out the door, expecting Gabe to be right behind me.
“I’ll stay here in case the asshole shows his face again,” Gabe announced, causing Bernie to chuckle, and I knew he was right. A lot could happen on the way to the chapel.
THE NAPA VALLEY Chapel wasn’t quite big enough to hold all the guests, and folding chairs had been set up along the side walls and in the back. The good news was we’d done our job and for the last ten minutes, Bernard, his best man, and Cody stood in the front of the church, waiting on the bride.
Gabe and I had been seated near the front of the chapel, and one look at the sweat beading on Bernard’s forehead told me his nerves were getting the best of him. Cody didn’t look much better, and when he turned away from the us, I knew he was on his phone.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and as soon as I saw his text to please check on Nat, I knew this wedding wasn’t quite the done deal yet.
“Cody wants me to check on the bride,” I told Gabe, after glancing at Cody’s short but specific text.
“Might be a good idea,” Gabe said. “We’ve got the groom convinced, but maybe the bride isn’t quite there yet. Go do your thing.”
