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“No, Noah. I did it.”
“Why?”
I play with the tarp, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Because although I loved Camp Trinity, it doesn’t stand for what I believe anymore. Want to see the name of the new camp?”
He nods, and I take a deep breath before pulling the tarp off the sign. I haven’t actually seen the new sign either, wanting to wait for Noah to be here so we can do it together. When I take it in, it’s life-changing. Carved in a meticulous script, the color of a rainbow is—
Camp Acceptance.
Noah sucks in a sharp breath before his fingers brush over the wooden sign, transfixed and with a small smile on his face. “It’s a nice name.”
“It’s what this camp is going to be all about.” I take the chance and lay my hand on top of his, intertwining our fingers as we both feel our way around the sign. “You accepted me for who I am, and I want to give that same acceptance to kids of all ages. I want them to know it’s more than okay to be themselves.”
He turns to me and nods. “That’s beautiful.”
My heart does a little backflip of pleasure. It makes me all too enthusiastic as I continue. “Instead of weekly mass and ministry, we’ll have a whole camp show and tell. That way kids can share what makes them special and unique. We’ll have campers of every religion and every background here. I want it to be a place where everyone feels safe to be themselves.”
“It sounds like a great place,” he whispers, but he takes his hand away from mine and drops it at his side. There’s still a wariness to him, a slight discomfort that he feels, and I hate that he’s experiencing it with me.
“I understand why you don’t want to be near me,” I confess, swallowing harshly as I force myself to contain my emotions. “I just wanted you to see what you inspired.”
He shakes his head with a scoff. “You have to stop changing things for me. How do you still not get it?”
But I do. I know what he’s saying. I know that changing yourself for someone else ultimately won’t lead you to happiness. I know change comes from within, and the biggest change is changing for you and you alone. “It’s not all about you,” I tease, trying to lighten the tension. “You just helped me figure out what I wanted.”
“And what is it you want?” he asks, cocking his head as he examines me.
“I want to love who I am. I want to be able to be myself,” I admit honestly. I take a step closer. “I want you.”
He bites down on his bottom lip, his piercing wobbling as he trembles. He looks down at his boots. “I don’t think I’m ready to forgive you.”
“Baby, I’ll ask for it every day if I have to because you are worth it,” I say, tipping his chin up with my fingers. “You showed me that it was okay to be me. You brought excitement and thrill to my life when I needed it the most. Most importantly, you never turned your back on me even when you had a hundred reasons to do so.”
“But…” His lips curl into a snarl that I try to soothe with my thumb. “But what about God?”
I drop my hand. Not because his comment stings but because this is the one thing I’ve struggled with the most. Although it’s difficult to explain what I truly feel when it comes to God, I can tell him the honest truth. “I’ve been exploring other religions. Turns out, there are more than just Catholics out there. I’m not one hundred percent there, and I’m not saying that my insecurities have magically disappeared, but what I do believe is that God led me to you for a reason.”
He grits his teeth. “It wasn’t God—”
“Maybe not God. Maybe the universe. Maybe a magic squirrel in the sky who eats rainbows, I don't know. Whatever the case, I found you and you found me, and you changed my life for the better. I’m better now, Noah.”
A single tear tracks down his cheek. “I want to believe that.”
“I understand,” I say solemnly, knowing that I can’t erase all that’s happened, all the damage I’ve caused him. “I asked you to try the first day here. If I can ask you just one more time, please consider trying.”
He kicks the ground with his boot, rocking on his heels as he shoves his hands in his pockets. “I do need a place to stay for a bit.”
“You’re taking me back?” I ask, not bothering to hide the excitement in my voice.
“We’re seeing where this goes,” he states firmly. “I want to believe you’re changing, but I can’t go through this again.”
“You won’t have to. I’ll prove it to you,” I promise, threading my fingers through his hair, my fingers warm under his beanie. I sag with relief, dropping to my knees in front of him as I hug his middle. I bury my face in his stomach, and I can’t hold back the tears. “I love you, Noah.”
He tenses underneath me, and I think he’s going to push me away. He doesn’t. Instead, he pets the top of my head, lovingly stroking my hair as he lets out a deep breath. “I love you too, Jarred. So fucking much it hurts.”
But I’ll take away the pain. I’ll make sure that he never has to feel it again. I’d move mountains and dry up rivers and catch the fucking moon for him.
Because he’s mine and I’m his. No matter what.
