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“Really? Then how was I supposed to take it?”
“Not by offering to fuck my teammates!”
“That’s not what I was doing. I was asking who I should fuck.”
“Maybe we could just drown them,” IKE said. “Nobody would know but us. It’s like with the Donner Party. Does anyone really know if anyone ate anyone else?”
“Of course they did,” Fox grunted. “I bet it was just like shawarma.”
“Nobody is drowning anyone,” Eli snapped. “God, why is it so fucking hot out here?” he shouted.
“Um…I’m pretty sure that’s because we’re in the middle of the ocean with the sun beating down on us, but I’ve been wrong before,” Red answered, sounding slightly bored with the whole conversation.
“Yeah? Well, we’re not supposed to be in the middle of the fucking ocean. This never would have happened if Scottie hadn’t landed us in the middle of the Caribbean.”
“Whoa,” Scottie sat up. “None of this would have happened if the drunken pilot hadn’t spun us around like a top in a toy plane!”
“Sure, blame the pilot,” Max huffed.
“Technically, none of this would have happened if Eli had just let me do my fucking job and dismantle the bomb. But as usual, everyone thinks I’m going to screw things up,” IRIS said.
“Because you like to see shit blow up,” Red argued. “You did blow up the OPS building in California.”
“One time. One fucking time!” IRIS shouted. “Seriously, I still got the bad guys.”
I watched in fascination as they all continued to rip each other to shreds. Were they friends? Were they enemies? I couldn’t tell, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Why did men always act like this? I couldn’t even remember what started the argument to begin with, but yelling at each other in the middle of the ocean hardly seemed productive.
I shoved my fingers into my mouth and whistled loudly. The yelling instantly ceased and everyone stared at me. “Seriously, I’m the woman. I’m the one that’s supposed to be freaking out. I mean, we’re floating around on driftwood. You guys are in security. You’re supposed to figure shit out, but you’re all yelling at each other instead.”
“Because Fox made sure we wouldn’t have a way to get out of here,” Red pointed out.
“Actually, that was because of me,” IKE grinned. “You guys were taking too long, and I didn’t feel like fighting off cartels.”
“And lazing around in the ocean is so much better?” Kavanaugh asked.
“Well, it would be if I could just drown you. But not returning with all of you would look suspicious.”
“Again, what is with all of you threatening each other?” I snapped. “You’re grown men. Stop bickering like old ladies!”
They all sat up and looked at me. “Old ladies?” Eli asked.
“That’s a little harsh,” Fox scoffed.
“Yeah, we were arguing like men,” Kavanaugh added.
“Thisis what men do?” I screeched.
They all looked at each other, then nodded at me.
“And men are going to save the planet,” I scoffed. “Seriously, if I was with women, we’d already be back in Florida.”
“Sure you would,” IKE laughed. “Just tell me how you would save us all and get back to Florida. Because from where I’m sitting, you haven’t come up with a single good idea yet.”
“Yeah, tell us what you would do?” Eli asked.
Okay, now I was about to look really bad. Until I saw a very large ship in the distance. And none of them had seen it yet. “Well, the first thing I would do is flag down the large ship.” They all looked at where I was pointing. “The second thing I would do is show them my breasts. That should get me passage on the ship.”
Eli’s head whipped around to meet my eyes. “Those tits are mine.”
