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I stepped back and out of his arms. “He said one woman was never enough for you.” I spoke over his reply. “All that stuff with Simone, when we first came here. Was that you showing me you wanted an open relationship, but I forced monogamy on you?”
He came forward and put his hands on my shoulders. “No. A complete no.” He paused. “This – my behavior back then – is the stupidest thing I am ever doing. It haunts me. And you.”
“No, it doesn’t. I hardly ever think about it. But Pasha has known you for so long—”
“He is knowing nothing!” He shoved the chest of drawers so hard it juddered. “You are my precious girl.”
“Precious. Like innocent, delicate, naïve. Vanilla.”
He held his hands out in stressed confusion.
“Vanilla,” I went on. “The non-flavour. Plain and nothingy. That’s me. Inexperienced. So young.” I looked straight at him. “Sexually, I have never done anything remotely exciting or daring. I’m dull and boring compared to what you’ve known in the past.”
He sat on the bed. He didn’t disagree. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice a hoarse whisper.
“What I am is not your fault.”
“You are a hugely sensual woman. I have not been satisfying you.”
“What? No, Aleks, I meant I haven’t had group sex or toured the brothels of Amsterdam. Things like that.”
His head jerked up in horror. “How long was I gone last night?”
“Too long.”
“Malphia, this, it was just…”
“I know you’ve had a full life. I’m not a prude.”
“Is not full, was empty. You were missing. Making love to the woman I am in love with is the absolute experience. Everything else vanishes in such glory.”
I went back into his arms and cupped his upturned face with my hands. “What’s on a brothel menu?”
“I am want to strangle… I have say to him if he is any way threaten what I have with you—”
“Are you going to answer my question?”
He sighed. “Is so long ago I am not remembering, but I suppose… full sex, oral, anal, BDSM, various fetish…”
“Things you like to do?”
“What I like to do cannot be bought, is not on some menu.” A muscle in his cheek twitched. “I like to kiss you and hold you and see you smile. Not be sad and worried like this.” His thumb brushed my mouth. “I wish you had told me sooner, the ways you like to make love.”
“I like to make love with you, Aleks. The rest is just details.”
There was, however, great joy to be found in the details.
“Don’t lose your friendship over this,” I advised Aleks after he halted Pasha’s apologetic approach with an upheld hand the next morning.
“How he is speaking to you is completely unacceptable.”
“He thought I was ruining your life. How many times has Justin been mean to you?”
“It is not the same.”
“You should talk to him.”
Right as that was, I had no intention of doing so myself. Pasha had been thoroughly unpleasant and aggressive towards me. Drunkenness was not an excuse, and he needed to see my non-vanilla-crème side. Come pas de deux, he did.
