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I reached over to lay my hand near his, craving any kind of human, friendly contact, and he jerked his hand away like I’d burned him.
“I’m sorry… I… I pushed it. You held my hand earlier, and I thought…” I said, stuttering a bit. “I’m just all over the place right now, and I don’t know why, but you feel like home to me. I don’t even know you, and I like being around you more than most living humans I’ve ever met.” I swiped away another tear, cursing my up and down emotions but also understanding that I had whole heaps of trauma that day. “Is that crazy?”
“No,” he said, his voice a little raw. “I… I feel a lot of things around you, too. Many of them are crazy. Many of them are dangerous…”
My heart galloped for a moment, then seemed to leap and lodge in the hollow of my throat. I hated the way I felt myself brighten at his words. I hated the way I wanted his approval, especially after all the bullshit with Beck. But hey, maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. Maybe a dead guy was the perfect rebound? More than likely, I was feeling deeply erratic, and the ambiance in Hell was working its magic on my moral compass, but I wasn’t sure I cared as much as I should.
“How do I feel to you?” I said, my voice paper thin, like I might scare him away.
He sucked in a sharp breath, then spoke. His words poured out of him fast, like he was scared if he slowed down, he’d never be able to get them out. “You feel like a blazing sun next to me. I forgot what it felt like to lie next to another person. As I said, I didn’t have much experience back on Earth, and I was never really allowed to get close to another person. But I knew what it was like at least once or twice to feel held. I knew what it was like to be near a woman and have your body fit against hers. And I miss it. I forgot the heat you could feel laying next to someone else, in more ways than one.”
I rolled on my side and scooted a little closer to him, fitting against his side as much as I could without actually pressing into him.
“You feel cold to me,” I said. “But I don’t mind.”
“Do you know what tomorrow is going to be like?” he said after another sharp intake of breath. His body tensed beside mine. “I avoid the Second Circle like the plague. That’s the circle for Lust, and it is a popular tourist attraction around these parts. A man can find whatever he wants there. Any filthy, dirty thing you can think up has its own fan club in the Second Circle. No kink is too depraved, and no one is unwanting. I want no part of it.”
A parade of images danced across my brain. “Gabe, why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t like to ogle, I don’t like to partake… but tomorrow… I’m afraid of what might happen. I can resist a lot of temptation and vices.” He sat up suddenly, and I joined him against the headboard. “But I don’t know if I can resist you.”
“Gabe.” My breath caught in my throat. Did he really say that out loud?
“I feel alive next to you. I feel like a dumb, idiot teenager. The next leg of our journey is going to be hard… pun intended, I guess. There’s no way around the circles, though, only through, and I’m going to be trotting a tasty morsel like you right through the Second Circle’s center.” He thudded his head against the wall. “I hate feeling this alive. It must be part of my curse. I feel everything so fully, but any kind of life or joy… it’s not for me. That’s why I focus on putting my guard up. That’s what we’re going to have to do tomorrow.”
I opened and closed my mouth for a moment, not even sure what to say. It was the most I’d ever heard him speak, and every word was like a splinter of ice in my heart. My body thrummed with hot and cold, unsure of how to process everything. My brain was screaming, but my body thought there was only one solution.
“You want me,” I whispered, feeling sort of dumb but feeling like I had to say it out loud. “When? H—How?”
“Since I first saw you,” Gabe said. “Since the first second back at my—back at the river.”
My head spun as his eyes locked onto mine. Before I could talk myself out of it, I straddled his lap, careful not to put any weight on him or make any sudden contact. I moved painfully slowly, and his dark eyes widened with every fraction of an inch I moved.
“Is it the not knowing?” I whispered. “That will make tomorrow worse?”
“I don’t know,” he said, his voice ragged. Even with his skeletal face paint, I could see the full lines of his mouth.
“Can I try something?” I said, leaning just a little closer. My thighs burned from hovering above him, from keeping our bodies at bay. I was shocked to feel how soaked I already was. It felt like the air was electric between us, and the anticipation was almost painful. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if he actually touched me.
Instead of answering, Gabe slid a hand into my hair. His fingers caught on some of the tangles, but the prickle against my scalp was more pleasant than painful. Moving slowly once more, I dipped my mouth down toward his. It was pretty innocent, as far as kisses go, but it was somehow the most erotic thing I’d ever experienced. It felt like he’d sucked the breath from my lungs, and I’d barely felt his tongue.
He pulled away gently and looked into my eyes. “Once again, this probably isn’t the best idea.”
“I know.” I nodded with sincerity. “I know that, but I don’t… I don’t want to stop yet.”
I kissed him again, deeper this time. His tongue finally found mine, and the sensation of it pulled a small moan from my mouth. I gingerly slid my fingers under the hem of his soft t-shirt and felt his skin. For looking like alabaster stone, his skin was surprisingly soft. I let my hands rest on the waistband of his jeans. I could feel the curve of each hipbone under my palms, and I itched to slip my fingers into his waistband and touch his toned pelvis.
Gabe slid his right hand up my side, and I felt his thumb barely graze the underside of my breast. It was such a small touch, it could have been a legitimate accident. Still, my breath hitched in my chest, and I froze. We hadn’t even done anything actually sexual, and I still felt like my heart was going to seize up and stop working altogether.
After a moment, our mouths separated, but our faces stayed close.
“Can I touch you?” he said, breathless and a bit awestruck. “I… You can say no, but I just—”
My brain was too turned on to form the word yes, so instead, I ran one hand up his neck and pulled him to me again. Something about the sweetness in the way he asked was a major turn-on. He looked like a monster, but he was both gentle with me and desperate for me. In less than five minutes of sexual touch, he’d placed me on a pedestal in a way no other man had. Gabe looked at me like I was worth something. He kissed me like a gift.
Gently, his mouth still on mine, he picked me up and moved me slightly to the side. He slid out from under me and sank onto his knees beside the bed, kissing me all the way and pulling me along. I sat on one side, my hair and dress askew, and he kneeled in front of me like he was in prayer. When we pulled apart, I looked down and could see the evident ridge of his cock against his jeans.
“Just you,” he said gently, tracing my gaze. “If we… If it’s the not knowing that makes it worse for me… just let me touch you tonight. I want to see what it looks like to make you come. I’ve pictured it enough times today.”
