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“Hey! Don’t say it like that! You make me sound bad,” I said, surprisingly a little offended. My joking tone was a little too much. I was definitely projecting and trying to seem casual since he’d thrown me for a loop. “I’m actually a very nice person to sleep with!”
He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. It took me a second to realize how I must sound, and after a second, we both burst into semi-nervous laughter.
“I mean, sleep sleep… not… although, I’m sure there are no complaints.” I grinned, my cheeks a little red. “I mean… I haven’t heard any.”
“I’m sure you’re lovely to sleep with… er, beside, but it would be strange for us both,” Gabe said with a shy smile. “Besides, I think I might snore. It’s been a long time since someone’s even slept in the same room as me, but I used to when I lived Topside. My momma—” He started with a smile, then abruptly cut himself off. The smile died immediately on his lips. “Never mind.”
He turned away quickly. I wanted to ask him about what he was going to reveal, about whatever sliver of personal life he was going to share, but it was clear the conversation was over. Gabe’s walls were still solidly up, as high and as impenetrable as a damned supermax prison. He wasn’t shy or sweet anymore, just a no-nonsense, gruff hell beast who wanted to get me where I needed to go.
“I will make myself a comfortable bed on the floor. I can use my jacket as a pillow, and there are spare blankets, though I don’t feel temperature like you do,” he said stiffly. “If you need to wash up, we have a private bath just through there.”
“Um, okay,” I said, not really sure how to respond. The room felt strangely frosty like I’d really touched a nerve with him.
I went through the door into the small adjacent bath, which was tiny but opulent. It had a small clawfoot tub but no shower and a simple toilet and porcelain pedestal sink. I hadn’t actually considered more human practicalities, like using the restroom or washing my face, and I was suddenly very grateful. My bladder was full of beer, and my face felt filthy.
After freshening up and taking off my boots and corseted bodice, I crawled into bed with just my black dress on. Gabe was already lying on the floor beside me with his own boots kicked off and his arms tucked under his head, looking at the ceiling. There was something about just his jeans, t-shirt, and bare feet that was attractive. Even his feet were flawless and pale, and the sliver of toned stomach that showed between his jeans and t-shirt looked like marble. I realized with a slight flush that he wasn’t skeletal everywhere. I yanked my eyes away, feeling guilty for staring. He’d given me no indication that he wanted me to see him that way, and given the day, I didn’t even know why I was looking. I was in Hell and newly single. I should be swearing off men and trying my hardest to leave, not ogling the locals. God, maybe the circle was messing with my head or something.
Even though I was exhausted, there was still too much latent adrenaline from the day, and I stared up at the velvet canopy for what felt like ages. Judging by the tossing and turning and heavy sighs below me, Gabe wasn’t faring much better.
I couldn’t take the silence.
I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry if joking earlier… or something I said… well, if it set you off. You seemed sort of uncomfortable.”
Gabe sighed again. “It’s… not your fault, Marnie. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had a traveling companion, let’s just say that. Or… any companion for that matter, especially a woman. Getting close to people only puts them in harm’s way, and that’s been true for me in both life and death. I can’t seem to do right by anyone.”
I chewed on my lip. “I get it. I really do.”
I wanted to ask why he would care about me, get close to me… but the words died in my throat. Was he really implying that he could care for me in any sort of way? And why the hell did the idea of that make me… pleased somehow? Hell was really doing a number on me.
“Was there… I mean… was there anyone you thought was special?” I asked awkwardly, trying to change the course of the conversation a little. I stared up at the constellations stitched on the canopy above.
I heard Gabriel shuffle a little on the floor, his leather jacket creaking as he moved his head. I had a feeling he was looking right at me.
“There was,” he said, his voice rougher than usual. It sounded like he didn’t want to divulge too much.
“What happened to her? Er, you? Or… is she here, or was it on Earth, or—” I sucked in a sharp breath and snapped my lips shut. “I—I’m sorry, I’m rambling. My boyf—Er, Beck used to say I was a nervous talker.”
“You almost said boyfriend,” Gabe noted. His voice was dry and sarcastic but not exactly accusatory, like a friend poking fun at you. Still, I felt my ears warm up and my cheeks redden.
“Old habits, I guess,” I said glumly as I nervously bunched and unbunched a bit of the comforter in my hand.
“If you still want him to be your boyfriend… why did you want to leave him?” Gabe asked. The tone of his voice was once again not accusatory, but there was something else there.
“I don’t want him, but leaving someone and being left are two different things, and so is leaving behind the life you thought you had,” I said, my words jumbling a bit. I wasn’t sure how to convey myself properly. “I just think… I just think I liked the idea of him more than I liked him.”
Gabe let out a low whistle. “I sure do understand. My someone special… well, I didn’t have much experience with girls… and she was the same way. I think I just wanted an escape from my life.”
“Thank you,” I said with a small laugh. “For being… honest… You aren’t exactly forthcoming with the details.”
“I know,” he said tersely. “It’s… maybe sometime I can explain. But—”
“But you don’t want to be friends with me?” I said, sounding whinier than I wished. “Be close to me? Scared you might ruin me or hurt me? Newsflash, I’m in literal Hell, and as far as I can tell, you’re all I have.” I bit my lip hard to keep my racing thoughts in check, then tried to calm the rising tide of emotion. I’d been so brave and trying to keep everything somewhat under wraps all day, but it was all starting to crash over me and pull me down like an undertow. “I’m just really scared, and maybe empathizing with anything would be good? Just having some kindness?” I wiped away a single tear. “Can you… Oh, this is stupid. Can you just come sit or be next to me?”
“Marnie,” he said, his voice heavy with warning.
“I know, but I’m scared,” I said. “I’m allowed a little weakness, okay? It’s been a real banner fucking day.”
A small laugh escaped his lips and then another one of his signature heavy sighs. I watched as he sat up, then gently scooched me over to lie on top of the cover beside me. There was still a good six inches between us, if not more, but it really did make me feel better to have someone close.
