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I look at the photo I posted on my phone, remember the high of the ride up here. I don’t do reckless, but do I really want to face Fran and Jarvis, Emily, never mind Mum?
‘Hold on a minute,’ I say, my heart thumping as I change the caption for the photo: Expanding horizons in the Scottish WildLands.
What the actual fuck have I got to go home for? I take a deep breath as I pull on my cagoule and pick up my helmet.
‘OK, I’ve come this far.
My hands are a lot happier in the Gor-Tex gloves we bought in Ullapool. Thirty miles in and I’m relaxed enough to actually enjoy it. I count the Independence Referendum signs at the side of the road – it does seem to be two to one for the Yeses and I’m even excited for that. The road skirts round the loch sides, twisting up through forested hills, emerging onto scrubby moorland and massive cloud-studded skies, down again to another loch, another forest, the road narrowing to single track. I could count the cars we’ve seen on one hand. Jez is taking it slower, perhaps it’s the ‘not legal’ conversation. Now I’m wishing she’d go a bit faster.
The road dips to a little ford between two lochs and she slows the bike, lifting her legs as we splash through, whooping while accelerating up the hillside, the forest closing in on both sides. She slows and I follow her lean into the left-hand bend, catch a whiff of pine, the criss-cross of the trees’ dark shadows, hear her scream before I see it, standing in the road about ten metres away, its eyes catching the beam of the headlamp. A deer, smallish, but Big-E-Fucking-Nough!
Jez bangs on the horn and slams on the brakes, my face ramming into her jacket. I smell the leather, tighten my grip as the bike shudders, glint of the deer’s eyes zooming closer, the surface of the road rising as Jez slings the bike to the right, but the gap looks too narrow and the moment is frozen. Wish I’d called Mum. Will Don regret? What about Emily? Scream of the horn, smell of burning rubber and we’re inches from the deer when suddenly it moves across the road and the bike skirts past it, juddering as Jez pulls back to keep it upright. She slows right down, punches the air.
‘Yeeeeeeesssss!’
I signal for her to pull over at the next passing space. She turns off the engine and lifts her visor.
‘Unbe-fucking-lievable!’ She shouts. ‘Are you OK?’
I’m shivering clammy, shaking my head as my visor steams up. Somehow, I manage to get off the bike and I stand frozen, looking through the mist at the bumpy surface of the roadside.
She comes to put her arm around my shoulder. ‘Frigging near miss, that.’
I feel sick, start fiddling with the helmet buckle. Must get air. She pulls me to face her and takes the helmet off for me. I lean forward with my hands on my thighs, sweat dripping off my nose and plastering my hair to my forehead. A cooling breeze whips up across the treetops. I inhale the pine-clean air, focussing on not throwing up.
‘At least there’ll be no insurance claims from a deer!’ Jez jokes.
I don’t respond, take more breaths.
‘Aw, come on Gethin, it was shit scary, right? But you gotta admit I handled it well? Nothing damaged but our jangly nerves.’
I nod, still not daring to look up. She fetches a bottle of Lucozade Sport from the bike and hands it to me. I stand up slowly and take a draft from the bottle. The orange fizz feels cool in my gullet and lifts the empty feeling a bit. I pass her the drink.
‘I was never one for white knuckle rides. I shouldn’t have agreed to come.’
She takes a slurp then hands it back to me.
‘You hung on, I got us through,’ she says. ‘We’re only about thirty miles away. I’ll take it really slow, though I was already, which is why we’re OK.’
I look up and down the empty road. ‘I don’t suppose I have much choice. But I’ll be getting the bus home from Durness.’
She pulls out her fags and lights us both one.
‘Let’s smoke this. Then we’ll ride at a snail’s pace. You’re doing well, right?’ She sits herself down on the roadside. Pats the space beside her.
I crouch down to join her, watch the light between the trees through my cigarette smoke. And I feel a lift of something like more than the welcome hit of nicotine. Despite the fear, there’s this rising excitement for life that I haven’t felt for a long time.
‘And I was about to suggest you went a bit faster!’ I laugh. ‘You’re turning me into an adrenalin junkie.’
She lights up with the biggest gap-toothed smile and I could snog her face off right now. I’m glad of my cagoule to cover the sudden hard-on but can’t help my massive stupid grin.
Rescue Remedy – Jez
It’s a day to make your heart dance like a Happy House loony. Top of the world is where we’re at. Tents perched above the sandy bay. Sea spreading brilliant blue. Nothing to stop it until America. I stretch out for a lung-full of warm salty air. Proud glance at the battle worn Harley – sun flashing the mud-spattered chrome.
The sides of Gethin’s tent move as he lumbers around.
‘What the heck are you doing?’ I shout. ‘It’s an amazing day. Let’s go explore!’
