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My feelings for Leo were no longer just friendly. They were physical, they were intense, and they were real.
With a sigh, I closed the laptop, my mind racing. Whatever was happening to me was way more complex than I had thought. This wasn’t just about friendship anymore.
Now, I had to figure out what to do about these new feelings.
Should I go for it, and see if that stupid dating app might be right?
Or ignore it all and save the most important friendship I’d ever had in my life.
six
Leo
I woke up late, still riding the lingering excitement from Maya’s party the night before, and now, as I sat on the couch with Maya and her cat, snacking on leftover party food and watching our weekly binge of The Office, a warmth spread deep in my chest.
Maya wrinkled her nose at the awkward conversation on the screen. “Sometimes this show is so cringy,” she said, popping a tortilla chip into her mouth and gently shooing Chata away from her plate.
I snorted. “And yet, here we are, Sunday morning, watching it again. At least Michael gets better in the end.” I glanced down at my breakfast—a slice of birthday cake and cold pigs in a blanket—and frowned. Maybe I should start making healthier choices if I wanted to get in better shape.
But that was a thought for another day.
“I can’t believe how good the party turned out. You were right about the winery. It was perfect,” Maya said, her eyes brightening. She clapped her hands at me, and I bowed my head modestly. “My sisters think the world of you. Oh, and Ben was there too! I hope he had a good time.”
The mention of Ben’s name sent a jolt through me. “Yeah, he had a great time,” I replied, with a small flush creeping up my neck. Ben had looked amazing last night—dark jeans paired with a perfectly fitting T-shirt that accentuated his muscular frame in all the right ways. “Actually, he seemed a little off kilter at start of the night,” I admitted, my fingers unconsciously tapping against my thigh as I reminisced. “But I think he was glad he came.”
Maya’s face softened with understanding. “Poor guy. I’m glad he could still enjoy himself, though, after just getting dumped earlier this week.”
“Me too,” I agreed, but my mind couldn’t help but wander.
Ever since we matched on that damn Mangled app, I found myself growing more aware of my own feelings, especially towards Ben, and a word that kept floating through the back of my head.
Bisexuality.
It was as if a locked door had opened, or at least nudged open wider. Yeah, in high school, my fantasies of fucking the cheerleader sometimes morphed into fucking the quarterback. Then there had been Sean, my college roommate during my sophomore year, who enjoyed sucking my cock when he got drunk.
But I didn’t think that made me gay.
I’d considered myself evolved enough to admire a handsome man when one crossed my path, yet I’d never acted on any of those thoughts, never wanted to.
But Ben…
Ben was acting weird the last couple of days, no matter how much he tried to deny it. At first, I assumed Ben must have met someone new already because that’s how he got when he met a new person who he was interested in—distracted and less talkative.
But during our conversations recently, both on the basketball court and at Maya’s party, I got the distinct impression that Ben’s penetrating gaze had fallen on me, his hazel eyes laser-focused on me in a way that I’d never felt before.
It startled me, being on this end of that intense focus—and it made me want more of it.
My heart pounded loud in my chest, just imagining Ben wanting me. Imagining what Ben and I would be like together.
Each interaction we had, each lingering gaze and meaningful conversation, the pull towards Ben only strengthened and got deeper, a fleeting image of the two of us together, as if Ben also wanted…
Maya playfully poked me in the arm, bringing me back to the present moment. “Hey, Earth to Leo!” she exclaimed. “I said, pass me that throw pillow over there.”
“Sorry,” I apologized sheepishly, my heart still racing from my thoughts of Ben. “Got lost in thought again.” I reached for the throw pillow and handed it to Maya, trying to push those ideas to the back of my mind.
Maya raised an eyebrow at me, a mischievous glimmer in her eyes. “Lost in thought about someone in particular, perhaps?” she teased.
I chuckled nervously, brushing off her comment. Had I been that obvious? “Just zoning out, I guess. You know how it is.” What I didn’t admit, what I couldn’t admit, was that my thoughts were filled with Ben—his smile, his laugh, the way he looked at me with an intensity I’d never noticed before.
