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I nod. “Yep, slept with a secretary who worked for another person on his floor. I caught them.”
Placing his dessert down, he sits back, his lips forming a tight line. “I’m sorry, babe. That scumbag was never worth your time. If any man is crazy enough to cheat on you, he doesn’t deserve you. Remember that.”
“I guess.” I sag into my seat and look down at my lap, but I feel him peering at me without needing to see it.
“You guess? Don’t guess shit. Look at me, Lexi.” I slowly lift my eyes to his. He places his elbows on the table and leans in. “Have you seen yourself? And I mean truly seen yourself? Because you’re beautiful, every inch of you is.”
I see the truth of his words written across his face and I know he believes that, but I stopped believing it long ago. The affair crushed me so badly, I don’t know if I’ll ever get my self-esteem back, but I’m trying.
Other than losing my future with a man I once loved, the worst part was how it made me feel about myself. I hate so much about my body now, even things I never noticed before. It’s funny how in one moment your entire perception about yourself can alter so quickly. The woman he betrayed me with was far more perfect than I could ever be, and that hurts so much.
“I bet underneath all that outer beauty,” he continues, “you have a heart of gold.”
I try to smile but instead all I give in return is the fractured image of a broken woman.
“But hell, why listen to me, right?” He picks up the brownie again and takes a small bite. “I mean I could be wrong, and you could be a total ass.” He grins.
I glare at him, unblinking, feigning anger. “Has anyone ever told you you’re not funny?”
“Not really.” His lips lift into a devilish grin, his white teeth peeking through.
I roll my eyes. “Well there’s a first time for everything.”
His smile evaporates as his eyes hold mine in an unyielding grasp. “There sure is.” And somehow, I think he’s talking about something completely different than I am.
Neither of us looks away as though bound by an invisible chain binding us together. Heat spreads across my chest as the hairs on my arms stand up.
“May I get you your check?” My breath hitches and I whirl my head toward the sound of the waiter.
“Wha—? Oh, yeah sure,” Jax stammers, looking as dazed as I feel. The waiter removes it from the apron around her waist and leaves it on the table, then walks away.
Did it get hotter in here?I run a hand through my hair as he takes out his wallet. Yep, it definitely got hotter and it has nothing to do with the weather.
“I should get back anyways, in case Lilah’s mom forgets to text me.” I pick up the bag of food Jax purchased for her and Damian. I don’t want to go. I liked spending time with him again. Our chemistry is natural. It feels so good to be around him.
He nods, the playful Jax no longer there. “Yeah, of course.”
I should probably be turned off by his revolving door of partners, the logical part of me knows this, but the horny part doesn’t give a shit. And all she wants is to be his for the night, even if it’s just once. Would it really be so bad to be one of the many women he sleeps with? Why can’t I be like them? What did falling in love ever get me? Nothing, that’s what. I bet the women he fucks are all perfect. And though he says I’m beautiful, he’s never seen what I see in the mirror when I’m without all these pretty clothes.
We rise, making our way out of the café, walking side-by-side across the street to his car. A hushed stillness descends around us. He won’t even look into my eyes as he opens the door for me to get in, then walks over to his side.
His hand lands on the ignition but instead of turning it on, he pauses. His jaw flexes tightly as he releases a series of sharp inhales and exhales. The large vein in his neck twitches angrily while my chest rises and falls matching each one of his stuttered breaths.
Even with all my insecurities, I can’t deny the longing in my body whenever he’s near. I want to stroke all of his hard edges, want to wrap my fingers around the thick muscles of his biceps as he enters me for the first time.
I want to be reminded of how good it felt to be with a man who wants me. And I know he does. Maybe this is exactly what I need, for him to show me how beautiful he thinks I am, but this time with his body not his words.
He looks straight ahead as though staring into a darkened street will somehow erase what’s happening between us. I reach out a tentative hand and place it on his thigh.
“Whatever you’re feeling—I feel it too.” I squeeze the hard flesh beneath the rough fabric of his jeans, and he growls under his breath.
I know I’m playing with fire but maybe I need to get a little scorched, at least I bet it’ll feel good this time.
“Lexi…don’t,” he warns, still avoiding me.
“Why not?” My question is but a whisper, yet somehow, it sounds louder in the silence surrounding us.
He sighs, looking up at the hood of the car, and in these quiet moments all I could hear are our tattered breaths, merging in pure desire, the way we so desperately want our bodies to.
