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"Shower?"
She took a breath. "Yes." Once she showered, they'd be back with the others, and this moment would be over. Would there be another one? Maybe, maybe not. "It was perfect," she said. "Thank you."
Understanding flickered in his eyes. "It was worth it, no matter what happens."
She nodded. "I agree."
But as she turned away, a part of her wondered if it really had been worth it. He'd awoken a part of her that felt good when she was with him, but what about when she wasn't? When she went back to her life, alone, could she still live her old way, or had he broken that part of her forever? What if he'd opened her heart to dreams that would refuse to be ignored again?
What if he'd made it impossible for her to tolerate her life anymore?
She stood there in sudden shock, envisioning going back to her house with Annie and Cupcake. Emptiness flooded her.
Holy crap. She was in trouble.
"There are towels," Jacob called out from the bathroom. He walked back in. "You're all set—" He frowned. "What's wrong?"
Phoebe lifted her chin. "Nothing. It's perfect."
His face darkened. "I said it was okay if you couldn’t promise anything past this moment in terms of us, and I meant it. But one thing I can't ever tolerate are lies. It's not how my family does things. No matter how dark your thoughts are, no matter how badly you screwed up, you never hide it. You never lie about it."
She stiffened. "I’m not your family." She knew she wasn't his family, and she had to remember it. She'd lost her family, and these lovely people who had spent the day with her and Annie weren't her family. She had to remember that. She was still on her own, her and Annie.
"You're family for the moment." He walked over. "And you're inside my heart forever. So, no lies, Phoebe. What the hell is going on inside your head right now that's making you look like I just ripped your heart out and incinerated it?"
"You didn't do anything."
He narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"
What was she supposed to do? Admit to him how hard she was falling for him, how scared it made her, and how scared she was that being with him had made her too weak to stand on her own?
No. She didn't talk about things like that, and not to him, an almost stranger, who was vulnerable himself and the cause of her distress.
"Phoebe. Talk to me. It's how we do things here. Emotional walls get us killed."
"No." Phoebe put her hands on her hips. "You grew up in this circle of trust, which is great for you, but I haven't been able to trust anyone for a long time! The only people I can trust are my parents, and I haven't seen them in almost ten years, and I've spoken to them only once during that time. I don't know how to trust! I don't know how to pour out my feelings and dance with joy for making myself vulnerable. And I don't want to, because it's scary and makes me feel unsafe. I don't like feeling unsafe, so I can't just stand here and pour everything out to you!" She threw up her hands. "See? This is why it's just too soon to start talking about forever, Jacob! Because we have fundamental incompatibilities that won't ever work together. What we had was a great hot minute, but we can't build a forever on that!"
She pushed past him before he could answer, stalked into the bathroom, and shut the door. There was a lock, so she used it, then sat down on the toilet and covered her face and the tears on her cheeks.
What the fudge had just happened? She'd literally yelled at Jacob. She hadn't yelled at anyone in years. Maybe ever. She wasn't a yeller. She never lost her temper. But when he'd told her she had to be all open and sharing in order to be a part of his family and his world…she'd snapped. She'd felt so inadequate. Not enough. That she could never be enough, simply because she didn't want to talk about how she felt. About what scared her. About how hard she was falling for this man she barely knew.
There was a light knock at the door. "Phoebe. Can I come in?"
"No." She sat up and wiped her cheeks. "We don't have time to talk. Dinner's in ten minutes." She turned on the shower, drowning out any more conversation between them. She went to take off her clothes, then remembered she was naked.
Because she'd just been naked with Jacob.
Oh, God. What had she done?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Phoebe's tension was palpable the rest of the night.
Jacob saw Bella and Lucas frowning at the two of them, but they were all working too hard to keep Annie happy and laughing that no one brought it up.
But everyone noticed that anytime Annie came over to Jacob and tried to climb on his lap, Phoebe called her daughter away with some excuse that was invisible to a six-year-old, but glaringly obvious to the adults in the room.
Did Phoebe think he was bad for her daughter? The thought twisted something ugly in Jacob, a darkness that he'd fought long and hard to overcome. And why was Phoebe putting up such a wall? He knew she'd been into it when they'd been together. She'd still been on board afterwards until something had snapped and she'd shut him out.
