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I threw my hands in the air. “Give me something, Reece. For God’s sake. Tell me something about you. I’m sick of talking about me.”
He cleared his throat. “We lost Dad in that hospital. I watched him get sicker and sicker.”
A muscle worked in his jaw. “When you’re a kid, you don’t think people will die. You don’t have that concept. You don’t know what it means that when somebody is dead, they are gone forever. I felt so guilty when he died because I’d never let myself imagine it. I wasted all the time I had with him at the end. I hated visiting hours. I used to slip away and go to the canteen instead of being with him.”
My throat ached to hear the sadness in his voice. I kept my voice soft. “You were just a kid.”
“When he passed, everyone fell apart. I vowed to be the strong one for my family. I vowed to help other people with their pain, because I knew how it was to hurt. I didn’t want anyone to ever feel the way I did. That’s back when I was a good person.”
“What do you mean? You are a good person.”
“This isn’t just sex for me, Skylar. I shouldn’t have touched you. It doesn’t matter how much I want you. I can’t have you. The first rule in healing is that you do no harm. I’m harming you by making this relationship sexual, and you can’t see it. You need a safe space and someone detached to listen to you.”
“No. I don’t want detached. I don’t want to be your patient.”
“You sat in my therapy chair.”
“I’m not your patient.” My voice rose an octave higher and I took a breath. “I don’t get this either. The last thing I want after Sean is to jump into things with another man. I have no time for distraction. All that matters is getting to the end of the season, but it feels… right between us. I’ve never met anyone like you before. I’ve never felt anything like this before…”
He swallowed and kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead. He checked his mirror. The click of the indicator filled the silence.
“I don’t want to be with Megan. I want to be with you.” His brows drew together. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I can’t stop feeling like this about you. But this has to stop. I have to leave the team. I’ll move to a different city, because I can’t be around you and not want to be with you.”
“You can’t leave because of me.”
Maybe I should be the one to leave. My conversation on the pitch before I’d raced with Miri to the hospital drifted to mind. I hadn’t even had time to think about it. I opened my mouth to tell Reece about the offer, but the look on his face made me stop. Why tell him now? I didn’t want to go anyway. I didn’t want to leave him.
His voice was resigned. “I can’t look at myself in the mirror after what I’ve done. This was only a temporary thing for me. I’m not a sports psychologist. I don’t even understand the offside rule.”
Despite the grim conversation I couldn’t help but chuckle. “How can you not understand it? You’re so smart. It’s not difficult.”
“Because every time somebody has tried to explain it to me, we’ve been at a match and all I can focus on is you.”
The drizzle misted the windscreen and I watched the raindrops running all over in different directions.
“I can’t go back to the hospital. I need to do something different, like travel or study or write. I don’t know. I just know I can’t stay at the football club. Not if it means fighting the way I feel for you every day.”
Unease still niggled at my gut. I couldn’t shake the image of Reece with his arms around his ex. Sean had really done a number on me. How could I trust again after that? “Megan is a doctor. She’s smart and well dressed. I spend all day covered in mud. Seeing the two of you together… you’re so perfect for each other—”
“I like you covered in mud. I like everything about you. When I’m with you, I’m fourteen again. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I’m praying you’ll notice I’m alive. Stay with me tonight. I’ll have to check in on Mum, but she’s in the annex. We’ll have privacy.” He cleared his throat, his voice hoarse. “If you want to…”
The seatbelt snapped against me as I jerked to sit up straight. Last time I’d been in his house he hardly dared hover in a room with me for a moment before he’d run away. Did he want things between us to be out in the open now? Warmth glowed in my chest. I’d convinced myself I didn’t want that because it wasn’t good for the team, but being with him tonight and hearing him open up had made me feel more strongly about him than ever.
I kept my voice light, because my heart hammered so hard and I didn’t want him to know how much it meant to me that it was him asking me to stay for once. “I don’t know, Reece. The Beaufort has a gold-plated Jacuzzi. I’m not sure how your place is going to measure up.”
He lifted his elegant fingers from the steering wheel, stretching them before wrapping them tight again. “I’ve got lime-and-coconut cake.”
“Homemade?”
He wrinkled his nose. “Of course.”
I couldn’t help my chuckle at his prim, serious expression. “Fine. You twisted my arm. You know how excited I get about cake.”
Reece watched me tuck into my cake with a little smile of satisfaction. He inclined his head in my direction. “Good?”
I nodded. “Amazing.”
Today had been a long, exhausting blur. Tiredness pressed over me like a heavy blanket. I hadn’t realized how starving I was until I’d been presented with food.
