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I can tell she doesn’t know what to say.
“And how do I show her I care? I lose all self control and pull her into a back room at a club. I put her career on the line because I couldn’t keep my fucking hands off her. Because of my selfishness, she could lose everything she’s worked towards. Then I let her walk away. I didn’t tell her how I felt. I let her think I didn’t want something more because I was too scared to admit out loud what that meant, and now she’s gone.”
Her hand squeezes my shoulder. “Ryan, call her.”
I shake my head.
“And say what? Hey, I’m sorry I ruined everything but please give me another shot? Sure, I got you fired and then made you feel like our time together was just a fling, but please, oh, please drop everything and be with me?”
I turn to face her.
“Then what? Ask her to leave her life behind to follow me around the country? All she’s ever wanted was to prove she had what it takes to make it, to prove that she was the best. Any chance she has of salvaging that means going back to New York and staying as far away from me, from this situation, as possible. You expect her to leave all that behind for me?”
The answer was no.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Juliet
The only positive thing about returning to work today is that Valerie isn’t here to make things worse. Between the looks from my coworkers that ranged from mild disappointment to full-blown disgust and the three hour long meeting with the executives this morning, I was just ready to go home.
I’m not getting fired, which is a huge win, but I don’t feel any happier. I don’t feel much of anything, actually. A heavy numbness has settled into me.
I am, however, essentially benched for the foreseeable future.
I can’t even sit in on meetings. I’m sure Valerie will be thrilled when she returns. She’ll finally be able to run the pitches without having to worry that I may butt in with my ideas.
“Have you seen it yet?” Kate asks when I prop my elbows onto the reception desk.
“Seen what?”
She extends out her hand, offering me her cell phone. There is a video on the screen, and I press the play button.
The intro to a popular talk show network plays. The camera pans to the house band as they pluck away at their instruments, then over to the audience who is cheering wildly for the special guest. I see several screaming fans wearing Chaotix band tees and know the reason she wanted me to watch it.
It’s Ryan. He’s seated in a leather chair next to a late-night host wearing a perfectly tailored black suit and black dress shirt. He looks mouthwatering. The host, on the other hand, looks more like a used car salesman than someone who should be interviewing someone like Ryan. His patterned suit is gaudy, and his hair looks like it has about a pound of dry shampoo in it. Powdery and stiff.
“So, Ryan, it seems this tour has been a bit more exciting than the last.”
The host’s cheesy grin is directed at Ryan, but the images of our night in the club are being shown on the screen.
“Touring is always exciting, Bill.”
Ryan remains vague, but he gives the host a wink.
“I gotta know, man, the publicist? Really?” He clasps a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “What, groupies and models got old?”
Ryan’s smile falters, and he glares at the man before looking off-stage towards someone out of view. It’s clear Bill is going off script.
“Oh come on, I’m only teasing you. I saw the pictures, I wish my publicist looked like that. You know what I’m sayin’?”
The host is obviously grossly unaware that his comments are not being tolerated well by his guest. Either that or he simply doesn’t care.
Ryan’s jaw clenches, and once again he looks at whoever is to his left.
“Word on the street is that she was seen boarding a plane back to New York. Does that mean she’s back on the market for new clients?”
Kate scoffs at the comment. “What a tool.”
