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“Just, don’t. Please?”
Hurt. That’s what it looks like he’s feeling at my rejection.
“Juliet, I don’t understand—“
I don’t let him finish. I can’t. This has to end and I need to leave.
“Ryan, what’s the point? In dragging this out? In fact, you should be fucking celebrating. This has got to be one of the easiest outs you’ve ever gotten.”
I swallow the bile rising in my throat. It burns, and I can feel my body trying to shove out more tears.
“What the hell do you mean by that?” he spits out. More hurt.
“Everyone told me. Ryan Knox is a world-famous ladies’ man who never sleeps with the same woman more than once. The lead singer never gets attached and only wants to get it out of his system. I swore I wouldn’t let myself become another notch in your stupid studded belt, but yet here we are.”
His hand rubs over his face, “What do you— where did you even… when did I ever give you that impression?”
I laugh. I’m not sure why—it isn’t funny. But I do.
“I’m different, huh? Is that what you’re telling me? That these last few weeks have changed you? You don’t want to be the big bad rock star who can have anything or anyone he wants anymore? You expect me to believe that?”
He says nothing.
“That’s what I thought. We both know what this was. It was all about the chase. I told you no, and you couldn’t stand it. Ryan always gets what he wants, even if it is just some rookie publicist who just wanted to do her job. You had to fuck the one person who was off-limits. Hell, I’m just as guilty. You were the forbidden fruit and I fucking took a bite. I knew what would happen, and I did it anyway. I’m not asking you to fall on the sword here. I screwed up. The only difference between you and me is that no one cares if you fuck your publicist. It’s just another day in your world.” I step around him. “But in my world? It’s a big deal. I was given the opportunity of a lifetime and I ruined it. I can’t blame anyone but myself.”
I walk towards the elevator, leaving him standing there.
“Fuck that,” he calls after me. “Fuck everything you just said. So what, because I’m in a band I can’t care about someone? Because I’ve slept around in the past I can’t decide that I just might want something more?”
I keep walking. The pretty words he’s saying aren’t what I need to hear right now. They aren’t real.
I press the button to call the elevator. His arms wrap around my waist and his lips press into my neck.
“Please stop,” I whisper, unable to move.
“No,” he answers.
I close my eyes and feel the wetness brimming on my lids.
“Ryan, stop. I can’t do this.”
He turns my body around, forcing me to face him. His thumb wipes at the tears, his hands cradling my jaw.
“I’m sorry it happened like this. But I’m not sorry that I care about you, and I’m not sorry that everyone knows it. Yes, I wish it would have gone down a little differently, but we can handle that.”
I look at those beautiful eyes and shake my head.
“This doesn’t end well,” I gesture between us. “You live in this fairytale world where everything works out and there are no consequences. I don’t live in that world, Ryan. I live in the real world. I live in a world where I can’t afford rent without a roommate, I drive a gas saver, and I’m up to my ears in student loan debt. I have a boss who hates me and now I’ve just given her all the ammunition in the world to finally kick me to the curb. I gave everything I had to get my degree and land the job I have, and now my name and face are on the front page of every sleazy tabloid there is. Who the hell is going to want to hire the girl who got caught whoring around with her very first client? I’ll give you a hint, the answer is no one.”
I reach for the button again.
“If you will just listen to me, I said I will talk to everyone. I can fix this!”
His words are just another reminder that his head is so far in the clouds that no amount of explaining can bring him back down to reality.
“There is no fixing it. I have to face it, and that includes getting in that SUV with Olivia in a few minutes and letting her tell me off. That means getting on the plane and groveling at Max’s feet tomorrow. I played with fire, and I got burned.”
The elevator dings and the door opens. Thankfully, no one is inside.
