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"I'm great," I say. "I'm marrying a doctor. It's...it's going to be great."
She squeezes my arm. "Alright, dear. But please remember that you can talk to me, okay?"
I look into her eyes, searching for a sign that she's telling the truth. I want nothing more than to tell her everything--to talk through this and figure out if Steven is really what I want--but I can't.
Not now.
Maybe not ever.
"I will, mom," I say, gesturing at the catalogue. "Now...let's start planning this wedding."
She smiles and takes me up on it, and we sit back down at the table with a fresh pot of jasmine tea. And even though I have a warm mug in my hands and steam fills the air, reminding me of home...this still feels wrong.
Especially after I saw Finn.
And I remembered everything that could have been.
Chapter two
Finn
Everyweek,weallhave dinner at my parents' house, and I'm running late.
I park my car outside the house and climb out to walk up the driveway, the scent of my mom's rose garden surrounding me. I can hear my family's voices from outside in the back, another smell making my stomach rumble: barbecue. My sister Tasha is laughing at something, my dad's chuckle joining hers, while Tasha's kid excitedly repeats whatever new phrase she's picked up.
I round the corner after opening the gate and my parents' dog makes a bee-line for me. Rufus is a little long-haired dachshund, and he manages to movewayfaster than he should be able to given how short his legs are. He launches himself at me and I pick him up, gladly accepting his excited kisses.
"Hey, Finn," my brother-in-law, Chance, says from over by the grill. He's quiet, but I've come to respect that; always nice to talk to when I need to catch a break.
The rest of my family isn't really like that at all.
"Finn!" Tasha says, catching sight of me. "You're finally here. I was starting to worry that we didn't have wine."
"Andwe were of course worried you weren't going to make it, because we appreciate your company," my mom corrects her. "Hey, honey."
She comes over to give me a hug and I give her a one-armed hug back, still hanging onto the dog. He leaps out of my arms, though, and bounds out to the yard to join Tasha and Chance's pup, a fluffy corgi.
"Hey, mom," I say. "Glasses...?"
"Inside," she says. "I'll come with you."
I follow her in, leaving Tasha, Chance, and my dad out in the yard with the dogs. Mom gets some glasses out of the cabinet as I set down my bag, full of wine from the liquor store, and it reminds me of carrying it with me when I ran into Jenny downtown.
Jenny...
...fuck.
I haven't seen her in over a year, and that's my fault; she told me she was moving and I didn't even try to go to her going away party. We were best friends in high school, and I used to be a fixture at her parents' place growing up, but we fell out of touch and now she's getting married.
I can't believe it.
She's a gorgeous girl; I should have known she would get hitched eventually. But I always thought...
"You okay, honey?" my mom asks. "You seem distracted."
"Yeah," I reply, grabbing a corkscrew and nodding much faster than I would if I wasactuallyokay. "Just thinking."
"About what?"
