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I snort. “I’ll never tell.”
My eyes drift over to Parker as she films Alec. The possessive feelings I’m having are already getting old. I didn’t think I was a jealous man. But maybe I didn’t care about anyone enough to care who they talked to or who looked at them. Like everything else—it’s all different with Parker.
“So, how do you see this going?” Felix asks.
“What?”
“You and Parker. She’s smart enough to know you’re not planning to stay.” Felix turns, giving me a stink eye if ever there was one. “Youaren’tplanning to stay, are you?”
“No,” I say immediately.
But the conviction in my voice isn’t strong. Itisstronger than the voice in my head, which has more of a question mark behind it.
No?
I hadn’tplannedto stay. That wasn’t even one of the possible paths for my future. Play well for the Appies. Spend enough time out of the spotlight to correct my image. Go back to the Hurricanes. Or, if the Hurricanes released me, I’d hope another team would pick me up. Then I’d move wherever and play there. Harvest Hollow was never more than a temporary stop.
But now …
I somehow feel closer to these guys than any of the teams I played with in the past. Definitely more than anyone in Charlotte. Harvest Hollow doesn’t have the resident ghosts I feared it might. Nothing about my past or thinking about my mom and my sad childhood haunts me. I’m actually enjoying it here. I’m renting an apartment. I have furniture I bought—not leased like I considered doing—being delivered this week.
And I have Parker. Sort of.
Iwantto have Parker.
“Does she know that?”
I think about how quickly she told Jeremy she wasn’t going to break up with me. How eager she was to help me. The same way she would have given me her chai latte this morning if I asked.
What does Parker really want?
“She knows,” I say.
“You can make it work, you know. Distance doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. Neither does your job. Hockey will end. Maybe it will be your other knee next time. Or maybe you’ll just get tired.”
“Maybe. But you’ve got to take the time you can get in this sport. I have to take the opportunities I’m given.” I sound like I’m convincing myself.
Felix catches my eye. “I was offered an NHL spot,” he says, shocking the hell out of me. Not because Felix isn’t good. But because I never heard of him playing with another team. That, and he seems perfectly content where he is.
“What happened?” I ask.
“I said no.” He nods down toward the ice. “And I said yes to this.”
“Why?”
It’s far less money. Less fame and glory, but less competition too. And for a lot of guys, guys who love what we do—that’s what it comes down to. Wanting to be the best and play against the best.
Felix doesn’t need to say all that. “I wanted a life,” he says, and if I’m not wrong, he sounds a little sad.
I think of his fancy, giant loft. Where he lives. Alone with all his books and no actual people. Other than his grumpy neighbor who seems like the kind to bang on the wall with a broom handle if he plays music a single decibel too loud.
I wonder if the life he has is the one he thought he would get when he turned down whatever contract he was offered.
Even from this distance, I hear Parker’s laugh echoing over the ice and all the empty seats. Floating into the air, up to me.
The sound makes me happy and also makes my chest feel tight.
“I don’t know if Parker …” I swallow. Pause. Lick my lips. “I don’t know if she wants this.”
