Page 92 of All That We Never Were

She obeyed when she realized what I was saying.

“Go to the bathroom.”

I prepared myself mentally before opening the door, but there was no point, because when I saw Oliver there smiling at me, I felt nauseated. I stepped aside to let him in. He seemed happy. He went to the kitchen and served himself a cup of coffee.

“Is this from yesterday?” he asked.

“Yeah. We were asleep.”

“What’s up with that?” He looked for the sugar.

“We got back late. We went to Brisbane, didn’t we tell you?” I rubbed my chin, but then I stopped when I remembered that was a common gesture among liars: touching the face, gesticulating. “We went to the university and the museum.” And then I masturbated her in the bathrooms in a bar at the end of the day to put the icing on the cake.

“Right. So how was the trip?”

“Good.”

Leah appeared in the kitchen.

“What did you think of the college?”

“Interesting.” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss her brother on the cheek, and he hugged her before she could get away. “I need to go pack my bag.”

“You didn’t yet? Un-fucking-believable. I’ve come straight from the airport. I need a shower or I’m going to mutate into something weird.”

“I didn’t have time yesterday. I won’t be long.”

Leah disappeared into her room, and I tried to stay calm, even though I was about to have a heart attack. Oliver leaned on the counter, and I connected the last two neurons I had to make fresh coffee for myself. I needed it right in the vein.

“How is Brisbane nowadays?”

“Same as always. Hasn’t changed much.”

“Where did y’all go?”

“We had dinner at Getta Burger.”

“It’s still open?” He smiled. “What memories. I’ll never forget that time we got drunk there and tried to get into the kitchen. The owner was nice about it.”

“I don’t know if it’s the same dude…”

“Sure. What about campus? Same?”

“More or less. What’s up with you?”

“I’m good. It was an easy month.”

“There’s got to be some perks to banging your boss.”

Oliver tried to punch me in the shoulder, but I dodged it, and for a second, I felt everything was the same between us. The feeling vanished when Leah came dragging her suitcase out of the bedroom. Her brother stepped forward to take it.

I held the door frame after opening it. Oliver was already on his way to the car when I bent over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. A kiss that lasted a few seconds longer than usual. She looked at me doubtfully before turning around and leaving.

I shut the door, leaned against the wall, and rubbed my face.

I tried to lose myself in my routine to keep from thinking too much. Surf, spend a little time in the sea till I got exhausted. Then work. And later in the afternoon, when I felt like I was going to climb the walls after thinking the same thing over and over, I went out for a walk. I ended up at Cavvanbah and had a few beers with Tom, Gavin, and Jake. I concentrated on their words to keep from hearing myself think. It was almost morning when Madison came over and asked me if I was waiting for her to get off, and I shook my head, grabbed the keys I’d thrown on the table, and walked home.

I don’t know why, I don’t know why I did it the time before, but I went into Leah’s room. I stood at the door, paralyzed. She’d left for me, carefully laid out on the bed, the sketch pad that had intrigued me months before. And next to it, a sheet of paper, I assumed the one she was working on when she refused to show it to me, saying it was just for her.

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