Page 91 of All That We Never Were

That moment was worth whatever the consequences were, I thought.

Leah stood on tiptoe and rested her head on my shoulders when I pulled her tight, as if she needed to hold on to something solid. I pressed my lips into hers again. I thought kissing her would calm me down, but it was the opposite, like throwing the floodgates open. I needed to touch her all over. My hands went down to her ass and grabbed it, pulling her into me, grinding.

“Axel…” Her voice was almost a moan.

And it was just what I needed. That fucking erotic sound in my ear.

I sucked in breaths between kisses, starting to move through the room without letting her go until we’d made it over a few yards and were against the bathroom door. I pushed it open, ignoring the guy who was coming out, and we were soon inside. Leah’s eyes were closed. She trusted me blindly, she was mine, and she trembled every time I touched her. We locked ourselves in one of the stalls. She groaned when I grabbed one of her breasts in the palm of my hand and squeezed it, drawing in her panting breath with a long, wet kiss.

What was I doing? No idea. I had no idea.

I just knew I didn’t want to stop. That I couldn’t.

“I’m losing control,” I grunted.

“Sounds good to me,” she panted, wild, reaching for me.

If I was hoping she’d put on the brakes, I was dead wrong. Leaning against the tile wall, Leah wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled me into her, closer and closer, until we were grinding against each other through our clothes. It was the same way we would have fucked if we had no pants on. I had never been so hard. I tried to find some part of my mind that was still reasonable, but I gave up when she bit my lower lip until it hurt.

“Damn, Leah.” I stepped back to slide a hand between her legs and rub her through her jeans. Hard. And fast. Because all of a sudden, I needed to see her expression when she came and preserve that memory forever.

She moaned and I held her around the waist with my free hand while she arched her back and let herself go, eyes closed, lips slightly open.

I closed them with a kiss. Then I released her, slowly…

Leah looked at me, still breathing hard. Her cheeks were inflamed and her eyes full of questions I couldn’t answer. I took a breath, trying to calm down, and held her, resting my cheek on her head. The sounds outside came back, as if before that moment the music and voices of the people around hadn’t existed.

“Let’s go home, Leah.”

I took her hand and dragged her out of the bathroom. The cool wind roused me slightly as we walked down the street. I was still hard, and my heart was still pounding loud and nervous, warning me about what had just happened, the line I had crossed. I knew there was no going backward, that this couldn’t be fixed, not for her and not for me.

When we got in the car, the silence was dense. I rested my hands on the wheel and took a deep breath.

“You’re regretting it,” she whispered. There was pain in her voice.

I held her cheeks in my hands and kissed her slowly, taking away the flavor of her tears on my lips. I pulled back to wipe off her face. “I swear I’m not. But give me a few hours to get my head straight.”

“Okay.” She smiled. At me alone.

I kissed her again before starting the engine.

Absence accompanied me the whole way back: the absence of lights on the highway, the absence of voices except for Leah’s calm breath by my side as she slept. I had time to be alone with my thoughts, but I was just as confused and fucked up when we arrived and I parked on the side of the road. The only thing I knew was that I felt something for Leah, and denying it at this point was ridiculous.

Maybe that’s why I opened the door to the house, then went back to the car, took off her seat belt, and picked her up. Leah opened her eyes and asked where she was. I just said to keep sleeping and laid her in my bed. I went back to the car, grabbed her bag, and left it on the sofa before looking for my cigarettes and going out onto the porch to smoke. I looked at the sky and then went back to her when I was done.

I lay down beside her and embraced her. Leah woke up again and turned to lean her head on my chest. I stayed there for minutes, hours, who knows, caressing her hair and looking at the ceiling in my room, convincing myself that this was real, that my life was going to change. Some risks were worth it. Some…

77

_________

Axel

Pounding. pounding on the door. I opened my eyes.

Fuck fuck fuck. Leah was holding me. I shook her. She awoke on the third try. She looked at me confused, still groggy.

“Get up. Now. Fast!”

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