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_________
Leah
Axel hadn’t stopped the record player, and “Can’t Buy Me Love” started playing while I leaned against the railing with trembling legs and my heart in my throat.
Because I had my answer. The one I had been dodging for months.
When our lips touched, I realized the effort had been worth it. The pain. I had taken off my raincoat. I had accepted fear. I had felt. Feeling. Feeling. I saw before my eyes the way emotions achieve a balance through highs and lows, because if sorrow didn’t exist, no one would have bothered to invent the word happiness. And that’s what kissing him had been. A spark of happiness, the kind that lights up and explodes like a castle of fireworks. There had been a tickle in my stomach. The taste of that explosive night on his lips. The scent of the sea absorbed in his skin. His fingers rough on my cheeks. His eyes stripping me naked. Him. Him again. Always him.
Giving that up…was impossible.
50
_________
Axel
I got up in a rotten mood, still mad at myself, at her, and at whatever was in front of me. I downed my coffee in one sip, grabbed my board, and took the trail to the beach.
The water was colder at that time of the year, but I was almost grateful for it. I concentrated on the waves, on dominating my own body as I rode them, on the sun rising slowly past the line of the horizon, on the sound of the waves…
And when I was exhausted in the water, arms resting over my board, the thoughts I had tried to bury came rushing back.
Her. And those lips that tasted like lime.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
What the fuck had happened to me?
I got out of the water even angrier and went home. I left my board on the porch and saw Leah up and about, pouring herself a coffee in the kitchen behind the bar. I swallowed, tense. She looked at me from the corner of her eye.
“Why didn’t you get me up?”
“We were up late last night.”
Leah pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, but you always get me up.”
“Not today. Any coffee left?”
“A little, I think.”
“Good.”
I served myself my second cup of the day and opened the fridge to find something to munch on. As I’d feared, I heard her voice behind me. And that tone…that tone told me she wasn’t just going to let it go. I hadn’t wanted to hear that tone.
“Axel, last night…”
“Last night was a fucking mistake.” I exhaled the breath I had been holding and leaned against one of the cabinets. I looked into her eyes. I was firm. Hard. As I had to be.
“Leah, you asked me for that, for me to give you a kiss. I did it, even if now I know I shouldn’t have. I guess I ought to have known you would get confused, and I don’t blame you. You’re having a hard time. And you…you…”
She stepped forward. “I what?”
“You’re a girl, Leah.”
“You know that hurts me.”
“With time, you’ll realize the hurt sometimes cures other things.”
