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“Why don’t you ask one of your friends?”
“I’ll bet no one kisses like you.”
“Check…” I whispered, looking at her lips.
“Meaning I’m right?”
“I’m just being sincere. It’s a fact.”
“Well, I guess I’ll never know.”
I didn’t like the sound of that never; it seemed like a long time. We moved together. I tried to keep my distance from her, but I couldn’t. When the chorus came, Leah closed her eyes and let me guide her. I don’t know if it was because we had both been drinking or because having her so close clouded my thinking, but I let go of the reins and let me be me, the person who didn’t think about rules and consequences, the one who just lived in the present, period.
“Fine, just one kiss. One.”
“Are you being serious?” She looked at me.
“But tomorrow we won’t remember.”
“Of course not,” she murmured.
“Close your eyes, Leah.”
I took a deep breath and bent down toward her slowly. It was just a brief touch, but it warmed me up inside. I left that kiss on the corner of her mouth and pulled away while Leah knitted her brows, disappointed.
“That’s it? That’s all?”
“What the fuck did you expect?”
“An actual kiss.”
“Come the fuck on,” I groaned.
Then, frustrated, I kissed her again.
This time for real. Not a fleeting touch, not a trembling caress. I grabbed her face in my hands, held her cheeks, and dove in. I caught her lower lip in my teeth before I let it slip between mine. Leah moaned in response. A moan that went straight to my crotch. I closed my eyes to try to ward off the excitement. She tasted like lime and sugar, and in the middle of that madness, I decided sinking my tongue into her mouth was a good idea. Something quivered in my stomach when it touched hers, knowing I was kissing Leah and not just some girl, that I was feeling her, that I was making a big mistake…
I jerked away.
Leah watched me while I grabbed the glasses and the pack of cigarettes I’d left on the railing.
“You going?” she asked.
I nodded and walked off.
My heart was still pounding when I got into the shower and ran the cold water to try and clear my head. I thought about how stupid it had been to drink and let my defenses down. Kissing her should have been unpleasant, I thought. I shouldn’t be getting a hard-on over her. I should have seen it coming, I thought. I thought…so many things.
And none of them made sense or explained anything.
I lay in bed, still confused.
I spent hours tossing and turning without being able to sleep, trying to figure out what had happened. It was ironic that I was trying to get into Leah’s head and she had managed to get into mine.
I sighed as I remembered the taste of her.
I had never understood why people thought kissing was such a big deal. It’s just two mouths coming into contact. I felt more of a connection with sex. Pleasure. An ending. An act with a beginning and an end. That doesn’t happen with kissing. When is it supposed to end? When do you stop? It’s not instinctive; it’s emotional. She was everything I had never managed to be, and when I kissed her, I realized I had been spent half a lifetime being wrong. A kiss is…intimacy, desire, trembling inside. A kiss can be more devastating than an orgasm and more dangerous than anything words can say. Because that kiss…that kiss was going to stay with me forever, I knew it as soon as I closed my eyes after our lips touched.
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