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“That I wouldn’t change a single thing. If anyone asked me where I’d want to be right now, I would say right here, looking at you, lying on this porch.” I watched her eyes grow moist before she embraced me.
“What would you say if I told you I feel the same? I can’t stop thinking about it. About being with you. About how I don’t want to go to college and be apart from you.”
I sat up quickly. The moment was ruined. “What are you saying? Are you kidding?”
She wrinkled her forehead and breathed deeply. “I don’t want to be away from you.”
“God damn it, Leah, don’t think anything like that again. And never…never give up something of yours for anyone. You’re nineteen. You’re going to go to college and you’re going to live that stage the way I did too. I’m not going anywhere; are you listening to me?” I grabbed her chin and she nodded her head. I gave her a soft kiss. “It’ll be fun, you’ll see. You’ll go partying, you’ll meet people, you’ll make new friends. In fact, you know what? You and I are going out today. We should do it more.” I extended a hand and helped her up.
She didn’t say anything, but I could see through her gaze. I saw the doubts, the questions, the fears. At the time I didn’t want to face them, just cover them up and keep moving. We didn’t talk more before getting dressed and going out to dinner. We went to the Italian place where I had eaten with my father weeks back. Leah relaxed and started to joke around when they served the appetizers. I loved seeing her smile. It filled my chest with a unique warm feeling. So I devoted myself to that the whole night, making her smile and laugh, saying stupid stuff just to experience those moments with her.
Then we took a walk on the beach and wound up at Cavvanbah without realizing it. I greeted my friends a little nervously. They soon realized Leah was Oliver’s sister and included her in the conversation. I stopped being so tense around the third drink.
“Don’t leave without telling us how you manage to live with him without throwing yourself into the river with your pockets full of stones,” Tom said, already drunk by then.
“He’s got his good side too.” She looked at me from the corner of her eye.
“Bullshit. We’ve never seen it,” Gavin said and laughed.
“Well, he’s not a bad cook,” she responded with a smile.
“Does he put on an apron and everything?” Jake joked, nudging her hard.
“Yeah, a pink Hello Kitty one.” Leah started laughing.
She’d had two beers and seemed as drunk as me. I finished my drink in one sip while Madison came over to the table. She stared daggers at Leah, and I shifted uncomfortably when I remembered the day she had seen us at the art gallery in the car. It had been nothing, right? Just touching the edge of her mouth, an affectionate gesture…
“You all want anything else?”
“Another beer,” Leah said.
“Better not,” I said. “Bring us the check.”
Madison licked her lower lip and looked at me. “Should I wait for you when my shift’s over?”
Maybe it was just my perception, but the silence that fell over the table was dense, and I could read understanding in Leah’s expression. I prayed it wasn’t that clear to everyone else.
“Nah, we’re going,” I said.
Madison looked back at Leah when she brought the check, then wandered off among the tables. I paid for the last round, we said goodbye to my friends, and we took the road to my house hugging the coast and passing through tropical vegetation. I grabbed Leah’s hand when we were a ways off. She was distant, quiet, pensive.
“What’s up with you?”
“Nothing. It’s just…” She shook her head. “Forget it.”
I stopped on the side of the road when my house became visible. I held her hips softly. It was silent apart from the singing of the crickets. “Tell me things. Don’t ever hold back with me.”
“It’s just… That was uncomfortable. Seeing you with her.”
“She’s just a friend,” I replied.
“One you fucked,” she guessed.
“Exactly. We just fucked. That’s all.”
“What we have is different,” she ventured.
“Totally different.” I bent down and kissed her.
