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“Shit,” I grunted when I opened my door.
“What a mouth you have.”
“Believe me, some people like it.”
My mother gave me a light smack on the back of the neck before going to the kitchen and leaving everything on the counter. She started putting the fresh food in the refrigerator and then placed a hand on my forehead.
She frowned as only she could. “You don’t have a fever.”
“It’s a new special kind of flu.”
“Does your belly hurt? Are you tired?”
“Mom, I’m fine. You didn’t have to come.”
“Someone’s got to take care of you if you’re sick, honey.” She inspected my face, lifting my eyelids and tugging on my cheeks. “You don’t look bad.”
“I’m handsome, that’s why.”
“I thought you’d be a wreck.”
“Is not showing up to lunch that big a deal? Let me breathe a little.”
“Breathe? You live like a hermit here, cut off from the world…”
I rolled my eyes and flopped down on the sofa.
“I don’t like you trying to weasel out! You know how many people would give anything to be with their family? Remember Miss Marguerite? Her daughter lives in Dublin and they can only see each other once a year. Can you imagine?”
“Yes, and I’m enjoying it.”
She threw a cushion at me. “You need to start reconsidering your life.”
“It’s funny that you of all people would tell me that.”
“What are you insinuating?” Wrinkles appeared in her forehead as she arranged the cuffs of the jersey she was wearing. She sat next to me in an easy chair.
“You know. A time comes when you have to make certain decisions, right? How long has it been since you said you were going to retire and leave the café to Justin? It seems like an eternity.”
“That’s not your business,” she hissed.
“Mom.” I sat up, though I was reluctant to, because the last thing I felt like doing was having a heavy conversation, especially when my life was a total chaos, and I had no idea how to deal with it and untangle all the knots that had appeared in the past few months. “Justin is going to end up leaving, and he’ll be right to do it. You promised him he could run the business, that he could do with it as he saw fit, and you’re not keeping your word. What’s the problem? You should be ready to stop working and enjoy your life with Dad.”
My mother’s lower lip twitched. “It’s not that easy, Axel.”
“Explain it to me then. Tell me.”
She cracked. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and breathed in deep. “Everything was supposed to be different. We were supposed to retire, Leah would go to the university that year, and we and the Joneses were going to travel all over the world, carefree, knowing you all were living your lives, and then…then it happened. And nothing will ever be the same.”
People are like that. We make plans; we have dreams, notions, goals; we focus on making them a reality without asking ourselves what will happen if they don’t. I had decided years back I wanted to devote myself to painting, and I never envisioned any other form of life until I was deep in the black hole. It’s easier to ignore the negatives and go straight for what we want. The problem…the problem is, then it’s harder to accept the blow.
I stretched out a hand toward my mother. “I understand. And I know how you feel. But you can’t just stay anchored there, Mom. It’s hard, but life goes on.”
“It’s not the same. You’re young, Axel; you see things in a different way. What do I have left? Rose and I used to fantasize about spending the afternoons cooking and drinking wine and chatting in the backyard, but now…the café is the only thing I have left. Being at home is unbearable; I need to stay busy to keep myself from thinking.”
“I’m going to get dressed,” I said, getting up.
“Thank you, honey,” Mom said, smiling amid tears.
