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My name echoes throughout the auditorium as I grip the cool metal railing and climb the stairs. I clutch the royal blue gown in my hand, keeping the stiff material off my knees, and feel the yellow spindles of string from the tassel on my cap tickle my forehead.
Mrs. Brenner, the high school principal, hands me my diploma, shakes my hand, tells me congratulations, then motions for me to walk to the other end of the stage. When I reach it, I look out into the small crowd, see Mom crying and Dad grinning and Danny cheering and Tommy with his hands in the air. I grab the tassel and flip it to the other side of my cap. A cacophony of cheers erupts and, in the middle of the sea of faces I've known most of my life—townspeople and family and friends—I spot a pair of dark, familiar eyes on me. My breath catches in my lungs when he winks at me.
Kyle.
In a trance, I walk down the stage stairs, find my seat in the second row, and sit down beside Audra.
"I can't believe it's all over," she whispers to me.
"Me, too," I respond, noticing her hand hesitantly lingering over her stomach. They still haven't told anyone yet. I guess they both wanted to graduate with some...dignity?
Can't say I blame them.
We watch the rest of our class walk across the stage. Fallon, then Matt. Some kids I've known since kindergarten, others who've transferred in over the years.
Nadia Clemens gives the valedictorian speech. Something about charging out into the world and making it a better place, the best years of our lives are ahead of us followed by a joke everyone good-naturedly laughs at. I try to listen, but I have to use every muscle in my body to keep my head from turning to look at him.
He's here.
I mean, I knew he'd be here. His brother is graduating, obviously.
But he's here.
There's a fluttering in my gut and my head feels woozy and my knees feel weak.
Even though he didn't call.
I should probably be angry that he didn’t, but I'm too excited to see him, to talk to him, to care.
I honestly don't know what's gotten into me.
A few teachers say some words, then we all stand and throw our caps in the air.
Except maybe there's something wrong with me because I don't throw my cap very high. The idea that it might get lost and then I'd have to search for it races through my mind. So, I only let it trail a few feet above me, make sure to catch it as it falls back towards me.
Fallon notices my flimsy attempt at tossing it in the air, points at me and mouths, "What the fuck, Jenny?"
I roll my eyes before walking towards her. We throw our arms around each other, laugh hysterically.
"You're such a loser," she says to me.
"I didn't want to lose it," I tell her with my arm still looped around her neck.
"Like I said," Fallon smirks, "a total fucking loser."
Then, Mom's shoving bouquets of flowers into my arm, snapping pictures of us, and telling Fallon to smile wider. Next, we're doing individual family shots, then group shots, but Danny's eyes are closed in every photo, so we have to redo them all. Diane is taking the pictures now and, somehow, ropes someone else's mom into taking a Kearns-Thompson group shot. And I find myself sandwiched between Tommy's sweaty armpit and Kyle's hard body.
Kyle's arm snakes around me, his hand settles on my waist and everything suddenly feels warm and fuzzy and hazy. Like that time Mom made me go into the sauna with her at the gym. It's hard to breathe, but I feel relaxed, content, warm.
I move closer, lean into Kyle, rest my hand on his back, feel my body mold against the side of his. The plastic wrapping on one of the bouquets of brightly colored flowers scratches my chin. But I'm too distracted by Kyle turning away from Matt, towards me, and our eyes meeting to do anything about it. We stand there for a moment, just staring at each other, then a flash goes off and I break eye contact first, look straight ahead, smile for the photos.
His hand tightens around my waist until the pictures are done and his hand lingers once everyone has broken away. He bends closer to me, whispers in my ear, "You look really beautiful."
My cheeks flood with warmth and I want to tell him that he looks good, too, in a black button-up dress shirt and dark wash jeans, but Diane is reminding everyone we have reservations at O'Sullivans in thirty minutes and we can’t be late.
Reluctantly, I pull away from Kyle, put a foot of space between us before anyone notices how close we are. I see Tommy give us a knowing look before he picks up Craig, starts tickling him. And I’m pretty sure my older half-brother is smart enough to figure out what’s going on. Although, unlike Danny, he won’t tell Mom and Dad.
Mom starts panicking when she realizes she dropped me off at school early and then went back home before piling into Danny and Nora's car with the boys, Tommy and Dad. And we're short a seat, but Kyle steps forward, tells her he can drive me.
