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I nod my head, swallow the lump that's forming in my throat. Matt wants to date me?
Oh my god.
How do I tell him I slept with Kyle? I don't think I can. If he ever finds out, it'll ruin our friendship.
"I think I'd like that," I say, my mind still trying to process everything that's going on. A date...a real date with Matt Thompson?
But what about Kyle? What about the way my body seems to crave him? The way my heart thumps restlessly when I think about him?
He's busy sleeping his way through college, I remind myself.
Matt takes a step closer; his fingers find my chin, his touch is cool, gentle as he lifts my head. "Can I kiss you, Jen?"
I'm not sure why I hesitate before answering. Maybe because he hurt me. Hurt me so badly I didn't think my heart would ever have a chance to heal. But how can I be sure he won't hurt me again?
Do I even want to? To try to be more? To date? To kiss? To work towards a future with him?
I don't know.
It's just...Kyle's face keeps popping up and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to push the image away.
But I need to.
Last night's phone call sobered me up. Reminded me Kyle's a player.
A womanizer.
Nothing else.
And that's why, when I finally answer Matt, I say, "Yes."
He looks down at me, adoration and joy and love shining in his hazelnut eyes. My heart feels a little lighter as he brings his lips close, places them carefully against mine, like I'm made of exquisite crystal.
His arms wrap around me, bring me closer to him. My plaid, flannel pajamas squash against his expensive tux as his lips gently move against mine. It feels like ocean waves crashing against a sandy shoreline, snow melting on the mountain in early summer, the vivid, yellow, fall foliage popping up in the forested valley in late autumn.
It's slow, steady, exhilarating, comfortable.
But as he pulls away, sighs with relief and contentment and happiness, I can't help but wonder why I'm not more excited. I've wanted this for years and yet, it doesn't feel right.
But then, I didn't know what it felt like to burn under someone else's touch before.
"I love you," Matt whispers in my ear before pulling away and backing down the steps. "I'll pick you up at 6 tomorrow."
I nod, unable to form coherent words, watch as he brings his fingers up to his lips and smiles before turning and heading home.
In a daze, I wander back inside, lock the door behind me, fall into the couch beside Fallon.
"What did he want?" she asks, her tone bitter, irritated.
I probably shouldn't tell her knowing how she feels about Matt. But I also don't keep secrets from her.
"He asked me out," I reveal.
"You're shitting me?" She sits up straight, grabs the remote and pauses the movie.
I shake my head. "Nope. And we kissed."
"On the lips?"
