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"No," he shakes his head, steps in front of me, walks backwards so we're facing each other. He looks lighter, less weighted down by whatever it was he was losing sleep over. "I've missed this, the bantering and laughing. I had no idea you could miss someone who was only next door."
I stop walking, feel myself frown. While Matt was missing me, our friendship, I've been missing someone else. Someone who's too damn stubborn to text me first.
"I missed hearing your laugh," I say after a beat. "You haven't laughed much since you started dating Audra."
Matt grimaces, looks down at his feet. "I'm not dating her, Jen. I mean, I've gone on a few dates with her, but I don't think it's going to work out."
A cool breeze wraps itself around us, we both take a step closer, seeking warmth from the unexpected cold.
"Why?"
He chews on the inside of his cheek before saying, "We have nothing in common. She can't carry on a conversation about basketball to save her life and she laughed in my face when I told her I collect Pokémon cards."
"The horror," I feign disgust.
"Don't mock me," he scolds. His dark eyes look more bronze as the golden rays of setting sunlight graze his face. "And she said you were pathetic. I can't be with someone who says things like that about you."
I take a deep breath, look over at the kids riding bikes in their driveway a few doors down. "Maybe she didn't mean it."
"Doesn't matter," he shoves his free hand in his pocket as I tear my eyes from the kids, focus back on him. "You are the most important person in my life. No one messes with you."
"I appreciate you standing up for me," I tell him as I start walking towards Mrs. Henderson's house, balancing the tray of lasagna in one hand. Matt falls in step beside me. "But if you really like her, you shouldn't let me get in the way."
"You're not in the way," he assures me.
I don't know what to say after that. It's not the first time Matt's told me how important I am to him, but it's the first time he's felt like he's had to make a choice. Me or someone he likes.
Two months ago, my heart would have flipped and jumped and beat wildly in my chest at the notion that he was picking me over Audra. Now, after everything that's happened, there's barely a stirring.
I don't know how I feel about him anymore. There's a part of me that will always love him, probably always want him, but there's an even larger part of me—of my heart—that's no longer his.
Somehow, somehow, I know it's because someone else worked their way inside there. Slowly, quietly, unassumingly. Made me feel good about myself. Didn't push me away.
But where's Kyle now? 141 miles away, probably partying with smart, attractive, experienced college girls. I can't even think about him touching them, kissing them, sleeping with them without wanting to throw up the mound of chocolate uncomfortably sitting in my stomach.
Matt and I continue to walk in silence until we reach Mrs. Henderson's house, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I stop, reach out a hand, and grab his arm. "Listen," I close my eyes, breathe through my nose. "If Colleen refers to me as a slut or makes a comment about...uh, well, anything inappropriate, just ignore her."
The corners of Matt's lips turn up. "What did you do, Jen?"
"Let's just say our last encounter was an interesting one."
Matt nods and we both climb the wood stairs to the front door. I ring the doorbell, hold the lasagna in one arm, try to control my shaking hands as I twirl a piece of blond hair in the other.
Colleen opens the door, her wild, brown curls bounce as she rocks onto the balls of her feet and lets out an excited screech. "Jenny Kearns! You little whore!"
"Hi Colleen," I offer, instantly feeling my shoulders tense.
She wraps an arm around me, leads me inside, barely acknowledges Matt. "How are those lessons coming along? Oh my god. Coming. Get it?"
"I get it," I swallow nervously, hope to God Matt doesn't catch on to her inappropriate innuendos. We set the pans of food down on the old kitchen table. I glance around, take in the homey feel of Mrs. Henderson's quaint home. "Listen, Colleen, I have a huge test I have to study for so I can't stay and catch up. But please tell your grandmother we hope she enjoys the meal, and we'll visit soon."
Colleen elbows me in the ribs, cackles loudly. "Big test, huh? Don't tell me Matt's taking it with you this time," she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "God, you are such a slut! I love it!"
"Yeah," I smile widely, watch the look of confusion spread across Matt's face. "Well, we should get going." I grab Matt's elbow and lead him out of the house.
"Thanks Jenny," Colleen calls from the front door as I push Matt down the stairs, quickly force him down the driveway. When we reach the end of the winding pathway, I place both hands on my knees, suck in deep breaths of fresh air.
"That was..." Matt struggles to find the words.
