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I don't know how I feel about it. Relieved? Hurt? Do I know my own heart? Do I know what I really want?
I think I do.
It's kind of like missing the mountain. I miss how safe and protected I felt surrounded by all the people and places and things I’ve grown up with. All the things I love.
But I was stuck. Going through the motions.
The way I felt about Matt.
Now, there’s Boulder. I’m not as familiar with it, but it’s been so incredibly good to me. I don’t feel like the same person who left the mountain all those months ago. I aced a college-level test. Me! I did that. Someone, an authority figure, actually told me I was good at something. I’ve made friends here. They’re not the same as the ones I grew up with, but they’re new and exciting and established. They’ve pushed me to try new things, figure out what I want out of life, given me direction. I have a job that I love, even if it was handed to me because of my relationship with Kyle. Doesn’t mean I don’t like it any less. Besides, what if it’s helped me figure out what I want to do with my life?
Boulder’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Because I’ve discovered myself.
Discovered I’m more than just Jenny Kearns, average student, Matt’s best friend, Lainey and Billy’s daughter.
Now, I’m Jenny Kearns, college student, barista/office manager, Kyle Thompson’s girlfriend.
Who wouldn’t want all those titles?
I decide to call it a night and begin gathering my things. I nod to Lolly, who’s wiping down the counter, before heading out the door, into the cold evening air. A few snow flurries dance around me as I get into the SUV Kyle bought us—me. I know he really bought it for me. And maybe I shouldn’t have accepted it. Maybe I should have driven Danny’s truck back here and told Kyle to spend his money on something else.
But I took it.
Because he bought it for me.
Because he wanted to.
Because he gives and gives and gives and I take and take and take.
Maybe it doesn’t have to always be that way.
Maybe I can give, too.
I decide to stop by his favorite steakhouse and pick us up dinner on the way home. Then the grocery store for some other items needed for the spontaneous Friday night I have planned when he gets home. He's bowling with a few guys from school who invited him. I’m shocked he even went. I guess, in a way, I’ve changed him, too.
Before me, he would have said no without a second thought.
I guess Mom’s right. The right kind of love changes us for the better. And the love Kyle and I have, it's changed us both.
—
“What is all of this?” Kyle’s eyes widen as he hangs his jacket up by the door.
I’m standing in the middle of the living room in a set of black lace lingerie I picked up with Fallon before my first weekend with Kyle. Back when I thought this was the kind of stuff he liked. It’s see-through and lacy and bold.
Little did I know, Kyle prefers me in nothing.
Oh well, it doesn't hurt to wear it since I have it.
“I have dinner ready, too,” I smile at him.
He takes in the sight. A hundred lit candles all over the living room, illuminating everything in streaks of honey and bronze. Candlelit dinner. Me, offering him everything I have. Which isn't much.
He giggles, seriously giggles.
“What’s gotten into you?” he asks as he steps forward, wraps his arms around my waist.
