AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"Is this why you've been all secretive and weird?" I motion towards the new car.
He nods. "I wanted to surprise you. It's hard when we live and work together."
"This is why you made me come home without you?" I guess. "There wasn't a show, was there?"
"There was a show," he confirms. "It just happened to work in my favor as a good cover story."
"But this doesn't explain the condom," I say out loud. Without thinking.
"The what?" he asks.
"The condom," I answer. "We need to talk."
He runs a hand through his snow-covered hair. "Let's head inside then."
I lead the way as we walk up the porch steps and into the house. We take off our boots and jackets before quietly making our way up the stairs.
When we reach my bedroom, Kyle flicks on the light, the unanswered questions no longer hidden in the dark.
I take a seat on my bed, feel the mattress dip beneath me. Kyle sits beside me, chewing on his bottom lip.
"You haven't been interested in having sex lately," I hear myself say. "And the two times we've done it in the last few weeks, you put on a condom. Are you cheating on me?"
Kyle shifts next to me, turns his body to face me. He looks hurt I would even ask. "I would never do that to you. I love you too much to ever risk throwing what we have away on someone else."
"Then what's going on?" I push. "Because we were attached at the hips. Literally. And now you're pushing me away. What changed?"
Kyle's hand finds mine and he twines our fingers together. He looks down, rubs his thumb over my knuckles. "It's hard to explain."
"Can you at least try?" I implore.
Kyle looks up at me, his dark eyes cloudy, stormy. "When I saw Audra in the hospital bed, all these wires and monitors attached to her, I just kept thinking, 'What if that was Jenny?'" He pauses for a moment, deep in thought. "Matt didn't freak out. He was calm, didn't even shed a tear as he sat beside Audra holding her hand. If that had been you, I would have been a wreck. There's no way I would have sat beside you and not fallen completely apart. I...my biggest fear is losing you. You know that. I've told you before. It's not an excuse, but my mom dying and Audra's stuff going on, possibly losing the baby, it's getting to me. I don't want to get you pregnant and lose you the way Matt almost lost Audra."
My hand cups his cool cheek. "I'm not Audra and you're not Matt. If we get pregnant, on accident or on purpose, I'm not going to get sick just because Audra did."
"I know," he closes his eyes, his throat bobs with emotion. "I just don't want to do anything to hurt you."
"Then we'll use condoms," I decide.
His hand slides through my hair, a snowflake slips from the blond strands, lands on my bare arm before melting.
"Do you remember last winter when I was home from school for Christmas?"
"I remember," I tell him.
"We were standing on the front porch waiting for your mom when it started snowing," he tilts his head, eyes light up at the mention of the memory.
We were heading to one of the boy's Christmas plays and Dad had left early to help Nora unload all the cupcakes she made for the small party afterwards. Kyle drove Mom and me because Mom was terrified to venture out in the half-inch of snow that had already fallen.
"Do you remember what you said to me?"
I shake my head. "No, what did I say?"
"You told me to be quiet because you were listening to the sound of the snow falling." He kisses my forehead before pulling back. "I told you snow doesn't make a sound and you told me if I shut up long enough, I'd be able to hear the shushing sound it makes, like a mom rocking her baby to sleep."
My heart hums and swells and throbs. "I did say that."
"That was the first time I pictured you rocking a baby to sleep." His hand plays with my hair, like he's embarrassed. "I want that with you, Jenny."
