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We sit across from each other as I wrap my scarf tighter around my neck. Mom orders a glass of water and I do the same.
The sky glows orange as Mom reads over the menu. I watch people pass by, their coats heavier than they were a few weeks ago and their faces flushed as the cold breeze slices through the busy street.
Autumn is here. And, not too far off, winter.
Time really doesn't slow down. Not for anyone.
"I'm impressed," Mom chuckles as the waitress sets our waters down in front of us.
"By?" I question.
"You're making a good life for yourself here," Mom wraps her arms around herself. She looks out over the street, watches as a woman jogs by with a golden retriever. "I was so afraid you were choosing the wrong person. Then moving too fast. I thought you were going to mess your life up before it really began."
"I know I haven't always made the best decisions in your eyes, but I've always tried to do what's right for me," I carefully explain. "Even if it took me a few tries to figure it out."
Mom laughs, tipping back her golden hair, "It did take you a few tries. In the beginning, I thought you were too immature for Kyle. I couldn't figure out what he wanted from you other than, well, sex. I thought he would break your heart. I was wrong and I'm sorry."
"It's OK, Mom."
"I didn't find your dad as early as I wanted to," she divulges, taking a sip of water. "When I did, he was already married. I had to wait so damn long to be his wife. I thought you would end up waiting, too, while Matt figured things out with Audra and the baby. I always assumed you'd end with him. I couldn't understand why you'd give him up so easily for Kyle. Especially considering Kyle's a few years older and in a different place in his life. Not to mention, the two of you never got along. You guys got so serious so fast. I didn't like it. Which is silly because Danny and Nora have been inseparable since their freshman year of high school and I never had a problem with it. I've always told them age is just a number. That the right kind of love changes us for the better no matter how old we are when we find it."
She plays with the napkin on the table. "But I see it now. Kyle makes you better. Softer. Kinder. He rounded out those jagged edges you've always had, helped you mature when I couldn't."
There's a brief pause before she continues. "I couldn't have any more kids after you. We tried everything because I wasn't done. I wanted more. The doctors told me I shouldn't have been able to conceive you. It went against science and logic. You've always been my miracle, Jenny, but you grew up too fast. I feel like I haven't had enough time with you. I still look at you and see my three year-old baby sitting on the sink, watching me get ready for date night with Dad. It's been hard to accept that you're all grown up now and you don't need me anymore."
"That's not true," I tell her. "I still need you."
"My life is changing so quickly. You're here now and Diane is…" she trails off. "I haven't handled it as well as I could have."
"You've done your best," I reassure her. "And I think you've handled it really well. You take care of Diane and Randy. You entertain all of their visitors and found someone to work at the store so you have more time to help out. You're the glue that holds it all together. Without you, everything would fall apart. You're the only one not struggling every second of every day."
There are tears in her eyes when she says, "Just because I carry it well, doesn't mean it isn't heavy."
"I know," I whisper as we hold hands across the table.
"My best friend is dying," Mom starts crying.
I stand from my seat and walk around the table. She easily falls into my arms when I sink into the seat beside her.
I hold her until her tears run dry and her eye-makeup has stained the white cloth napkin in her lap.
"I think," Mom laughs as she dabs her cheeks with her napkin, "it's really me who still needs you."
"I'm not going anywhere," I tell her as we hug one more time.
We settle back into our seats as Diane and Kyle find us. They sit down, and it's the first time in years Kyle participates in the conversation as his mother sits across from him.
As the sun sets behind us, I'm not worried about lost time or how many days Diane has left. I'm just enjoying the moment.
It feels good for a change.
Chapter 47
"I don't understand why you guys didn't wear your costumes," Matt whines from the back seat. "I look like an asshat as the only Musketeer."
"I like your wig," I offer as I turn around in the front seat, give him a small smile as I take in the black hat sitting on top of his head. "It's curly. And black."
Kyle snorts beside me. "That was very descriptive of you."
